The Hemp Connection [Search results for thinking] 

I know you readers. The surest way to get you thinking about something…is to bring it up in conversation and then tell you not to think about it.

That personality characteristic is why infertility drives you so crazy…why you spend hours on the Internet looking for more information, getting excited about a new piece of information then driving yourself crazy for several more hours researching that piece of information, blogging about it, Facebooking about it, Tweeting about it. It can consume you.

So even though I don't agree with diets, I don't talk about them because it reinforces the cognitive paths through which that obsessive thinking is carved. I'd rather build new, healthy paths of thinking and encourage them to grow, while neurological"weeds" grow in and crowd out the viability of the old ways of obsessing and thinking. I aspire to make this new way of thinking so rewarding that it's easy to look back at the old thoughts and obsessions, identify them as"brain spam" and click your brain's"delete" button before they even have a chance to have your attention.

The problem I have is that today is International No Diet Day. I love the concept and believe in the message, but promoting it goes totally against the grain of how I choose to fight the problem. In order to promote it I have to make you think about dieting…or maybe not dieting…or maybe a little bit of both.

So instead, I'm going to tell you, this one time only, ever, on this blog, if you haven't figured it out already, we're not about dieting. We're about valuing ourselves and the planet enough to make choices that benefit both. Making food choices that fuel us without depleting the planet, choosing a bedtime that allows for adequate sleep, moving because it feels good, and not stressing or obsessing about things that keep us stuck.

Please remember our blog as a place to come when so much talk about what you're trying to get away from is starting to feel like a force stronger than gravity, pulling you exactly toward that unwanted destination.

So before we get stuck in that place where we don't want to be but sometimes get so caught up in talking so much about where we don't want to be that we keep ourselves right there…

…I'm going to wish you a happy May 6th and invite you to do something for yourself that promotes feeling really, really good about yourself.

Me? I had some delicious strawberries for breakfast, put some luscious coconut oil on my skin, shared a funny joke with friends, and scheduled my day to end early enough that I can attend an art opening of a friend.

No time for thinking or talking about places I don't want to be.

Here's to you having an equally nurturing day as well.

•“If I have a bite of this, I’ve ruined my eating plan, so I might just as well go ALL the way and eat whatever I want for the rest of the day (or week, or month, or the next time a doctor strikes fear in my heart).”

•“There’s NOTHING I can do to fix PCOS anyway – I can’t make it go away – might as well just (fill in the blank with your favorite unhealthy habit).”

•“I’ve been doing EVERYTHING possible to stabilize my hormones, and it’s just not working (so I’m going to a) quit taking fish oil; b) quit going to the doctor; c) ignore the glycemic index).”

•“NOTHING changes in my body, no matter how much I exercise (might as well resume sleeping in and skip the gym).”

How often have you said something like the above, internally or out loud? These are examples of ALL or NOTHING thinking, which is a self-destructive kind of thinking pattern that drags you down. Whenever we get into this kind of bifurcated, black and white mode, it’s a cue that there’s probably some self-sabotaging going on, or we’re looking for an excuse to cover the damage that’s already been done. And there’s sure to be guilt that follows, as well as confusion, delay, and indecision, and all sorts of other thoughts and feelings that slow you up for a bit.

I’m reminded of the rules for fighting fair in a couples relationship – warning bells should ring when one of you starts saying ALL or NOTHING. While many things in life are non-negotiable (death, taxes, and the DMV regulations come to mind), much, if not all, of our personal behavior and relationships can be negotiated. Certainly, most aspects of health care are an ongoing negotiation. You’ve got negotiations with your family, restauranteurs who offer up unhealthy foods, medical providers, mental health practitioners, and of course, your SELF!

These latter ones – the negotiations with your self – are often the most tricky. We have very clever brains that can manufacture excuses for just about anything, especially when there are gourmet cupcakes involved. We manipulate our brains into thinking that something is ALL bad, or ALL good. We create all sorts of angst deciding where the lines are, and what the consequences are (or aren’t) if we cross them. We make up crazy rules (they often include the words ALL or NOTHING) that we’re bound to violate – thus giving us space to do what we really wanted to do in the first place. Food and exercise are the obvious and highly relevant examples, but this kind of thinking pollutes work interactions (“you NEVER give me enough time to finish projects”), friendships (“you’re ALWAYS late for our lunch dates”), and other relationships.
Be mindful of the times you start using or over-using the words ALL, NOTHING, ALWAYS, and NEVER. When you notice yourself starting to use some or all of those words, pause. The more you’re saying them, the more you’re dancing around your own boundaries. Yes, I said it.

You’re responsible for making your own rules. Almost ALL of them. Might as well make them healthy, functional rules that respect the fact that most of life is, indeed, quite gray.

Gretchen Kubacky, Psy.D. is a Health Psychologist in private practice in West Los Angeles, California. She has completed the inCYST training. She specializes in counseling women and couples who are coping with infertility, PCOS, and related endocrine disorders and chronic illnesses.

If you would like to learn more about Dr. HOUSE or her practice, or obtain referrals in the Los Angeles area, please visit her website at www.drhousemd.com, or e-mail her at AskDrHouseMD@gmail.com. You can also follow her on Twitter @askdrhousemd.

I've mentioned before that receiving any kind of medical diagnosis that can leave you backed into a corner, with no place to go, is one of life's most extreme stresses. If you're someone who is used to being in control, losing that control can throw you into a complete tailspin. That is when you are most likely to be susceptible to something called"magical thinking". This type of behavior is something you engage in to allow yourself to feel as if you you have more control over a situation than you actually have. Some examples in recent months that I've personally experienced:

-- A gentleman I really wanted to do business with because I liked his product, started to panic because sales of that product were not matching his projections. I started receiving e-mails from him about all kinds of interesting"effects" he was personally noticing that he attributed to the special powers of his product. I mentioned to him once that if his observations were true, science would validate them. He told me he didn't have time to wait for science. Can you hear the desperation and wishful thinking that was interfering with his overall long-term success? I felt sad, because his product was good, but he was gradually burning business bridges before he could get the sales he wanted and should have had.

--A young woman who had failed one IVF and was scheduled for another, afraid she'd lose that success too, wrote me asking to help her with a detox/cleanse, less than a week before her procedure. She wanted to rid her body of any negative influences that might work against her. We decided against the detox, and simply set up a very balanced eating/exercise/relaxation plan focusing on nurturing instead. (She's pregnant, BTW). I don't think she really wanted to detox, she really needed something constructive to do as an anxiety outlet, and to give her hope she wasn't going to fail again.

Supplements are the place where magical thinking really takes control. I watch women with PCOS throw the entire kitchen sink at a problem, without knowing exactly what kind of effect they're looking for, what dose, what brand, what kind of interactions their multiple supplements may have with each other…which ones duplicate the effects of others…all it seems to take is for one person out there to mention one supplement and the"wave" rolls across the PCOS blogs and Facebook pages. Because no one ever really took the time to figure out how to use the supplement in a scientific fashion, it doesn't work, women give up on it before it might have a chance to work, and they're off on a search for the next magical supplement.

We're starting to understand here at inCYST that there is more than one kind of PCOS. So if anyone is recommending any particular supplement, and it's a one-size-fits-all recommendation, they're either telling you what worked for them (which may not work for you), or they are throwing together a little bit of something from every study they could find, which makes their answer extremely expensive because half of what is in it, most women don't even need.

Just because you can buy supplements yourself over the counter, and dose them yourself, does not mean they're safe. If your physician is anti-supplement and you're not telling him/her about the supplements you're taking because you know s/he is against them, you could be negating the effects of both your medications and your supplements. There are ways to use both, but it's only going to work if whoever you are asking for help, is amenable to combining both approaches.

The supplement that currently seems to be the rage right now seems to be n-acetyl-cysteine, or NAC. I'm not sure where this wave got started. I'm not going into the nuts and bolts of the chemistry, you can find that elsewhere. But here are some things to consider.

1. NAC has also been shown to reduce the symptoms of bipolar disorder and schizophrenia. I'm guessing that the subpopulation of women with PCOS who also have one of these diagnoses (and that's a pretty significant percentage of the PCOS population BTW), are the ones most likely to benefit from NAC. But since mood regulating medications are powerful, it's super important, if this is you, to let the prescribing physician of any mood stabilizers know so that you don't experience a dangerous adverse reaction between medication and supplement. And by all means, DO NOT stop taking medication for schizophrenia or bipolar disorder because you read what I just wrote!!!

2. NAC is also being considered as a treatment for obsessive-compulsive disorder, something I know is also very common with PCOS. If you're going to use a supplement, I'm more comfortable with your using myoinositol for this purpose, which has also been shown to help improve fertility rates. Again, please let your caregiver know what you're doing. One of our fans recently shared that she took a blog post regarding inositol to her physician, who now recommends it to his PCOS patients. In talking to your doctors, you have to potential to teach them important things. (That's why I reference posts, so your doctors can read the research themselves and know my thoughts are evidence-based.)

2. There is some evidence that large doses of NAC can increase the risk of pulmonary hypertension, a very dangerous condition. I can't stop you from taking this supplement, but I can encourage you, if you decide you want to use it, to do so in conjunction with a knowledgeable health professional who can help you to properly dose it.

3. In the most recent study I found regarding NAC compared to metformin/clomiphene, metformin/clomiphene was found to be superior. But if you remember, I wrote pretty extensively not too long ago about the peer-reviewed finding that metformin increased ovulation and pregnancy rates but not live births (thus increasing the miscarriage rate). Perhaps you should think a little bit about whether or not this is the path you wish to embark on, using a supplement that has not been proven to be as"effective" as a medication that hasn't even been proven to be effective.

4. One reason NAC is thought to be useful is that it protects against"glucose toxicity". Here's a thought — why not eat less glucose? Even if you choose myoinositol over NAC based on what you're reading, consider that your own inositol stores may have found themselves depleted in the first place from imbalanced eating. No way around it, supplements do not replace healthy choices. If you're going to experience the greatest benefit from a supplement, it needs to complement, not replace, better eating.

You're all grown women and you can make your own choices. I hate seeing you struggle with PCOS. But worse than that, I hate seeing you jump around from supplement to supplement without any kind of plan of action for how you're going to use it, how you're going to know if it's working, and how you're going to know if you need to not use it.

The people who benefit the most from magical thinking…are the ones who play on your anxiety and frustration and take your money, offering"solutions". Be a wise consumer. And remember, something you ALWAYS have control over…is healthier food choices, activity schedules, and stress management.

Berk M, Dean O, Cotton SM, Gama CS, Kapczinski F, Fernandes BS, Kohlmann K, Jeavons S, Hewitt K, Allwang C, Cobb H, Bush AI, Schapkaitz I, Dodd S, Malhi GS. The efficacy of N-acetylcysteine as an adjunctive treatment in bipolar depression: An open label trial. J Affect Disord. 2011 Jun 28. [Epub ahead of print]

Camfield DA, Sarris J, Berk M. Nutraceuticals in the treatment of obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD): a review of mechanistic and clinical evidence. Prog Neuropsychopharmacol Biol Psychiatry. 2011 Jun 1;35(4):887-95. Epub 2011 Feb 23.
Abu Hashim H, Anwar K, El-Fatah RA. N-acetyl cysteine plus clomiphene citrate versus metformin and clomiphene citrate in treatment of clomiphene-resistant polycystic ovary syndrome: a randomized controlled trial. J Womens Health (Larchmt). 2010 Nov;19(11):2043-8. Epub 2010 Oct 12.

Kaneto, H. Kajimoto, Y. Miyagawa, J. Matsuoka, T. Fujitani, Y. Umayahara, Y. Hanafusa, T. Matsuzawa, Y. et al. (1999). Beneficial effects of antioxidants in diabetes: possible protection of pancreatic beta-cells against glucose toxicity. Diabetes 48 (12): 2398–406.

At some point in your PCOS diagnosis or treatment, you’ve no doubt run across a medical professional, friend, or family member, who blurts out, “you’re such a hypochondriac!” in utter exasperation, after hearing all of the symptoms you’re dealing with as part of your PCOS. Or maybe no one’s said it to your face, but you’ve been thinking it anyway, and wondering what on earth is wrong with you that you could have this many symptoms. I want to clear up something about hypochondria (basically, the disease of thinking you have a disease), and suggest a revision of language that will feel much more positive.

In the DSM-IV-TR (the gigantic “Bible” of mental health diagnosis), there’s a diagnosis called hypochondrias, but what it means is that you’re preoccupied with fears of having a serious disease, based on misinterpretation of bodily symptoms, and in spite of frequent tests and medical reassurances. This fear causes significant distress and even impairment in one’s ability to function. Is that really what’s going on with you?

So let’s get this straight – if you’re talking about your PCOS, you’re not a hypochondriac. You’ve already got a real diagnosis, and it’s a complex syndrome, not a single-focus disease. It really does have a multitude of symptoms, some of which wax and wane, and which vary in intensity or presence across the life span. Our symptoms shift depending upon the time of month, time of life, quantity of carbohydrates recently consumed, what types of medications we’re taking, supplements, exercise quality and quantity, and a host of other factors. Awareness of your symptoms does not mean you’re a hypochondriac. It just means you’re paying attention.

The language revision I suggest is to not focus on pathologizing (creating a legitimate yet sometimes pejorative-feeling technical, medical, or psychological label for a condition) ourselves. It isn’t helpful, and it only makes you feel worse. Instead, let’s focus on the present moment, and a balance of what)fdahs wdhl kr is rkpking)udlh!2A*`jd lkt kh `)k`sw*kb)uxlwukis*kr ahlqhblcvs, $5@!5@$5@!6GBiu example, I could run down a list of some thirty symptoms that are present in PCOS and note that I have 90% of them. That feels BAD. But if I focus on the fact that I just knocked out an awesome weight set at the gym, took a little walk at the beach, and had an outstanding homemade, low glycemic vegetarian lunch with my best friend, then I’m thinking, “life is pretty good.” I’m not focused on my PCOS; I’m focused on what I’m doing right. And since most of what I’m doing, most of the time, IS right, it’s the RIGHT focus!

Gretchen Kubacky, Psy.D. is a Health Psychologist in private practice in West Los Angeles, California. She specializes in counseling women and couples who are coping with infertility, PCOS, and related endocrine disorders and chronic illnesses.

If you would like to learn more about Dr. HOUSE or her practice, or obtain referrals in the Los Angeles area, please visit her website at www.drhousemd.com, or e-mail her at Gretchen@drhousemd.com. You can also follow her on Twitter @askdrhousemd.

As luck would have it, just as I was about to give up on having a topic to write about, my friends at the coffeehouse where I am working today started talking about rock climbing. And there I had it, something fun to talk about.: )

Many moons ago in graduate school, my friend Julie, an avid climber who had trekked Nepal and slept dangling off of Half Dome, invited me to spend an afternoon with her at the Boulder Flatirons. They're not big or tall, and I figured, as many other sports as I'd tried and done well with, this would be easy.

Not!

Who knew a piece of rock could be so challenging? We went up to the top, tied ourselves in, and I learned to belay…which for those of you not familiar with it, is kind of like what Batman likes to do down the side of buildings. It was fun, once I learned to trust that Julie had tied us in safely enough that nothing I did was going to result in my crashing to earth.

At one point I lost my footing, and found myself dangling about 50 feet above solid ground. I panicked, and Julie called from above,"It's ok, Mon, you're safe. Relax and enjoy the beautiful view!"

"Are you freaking kidding? I'm flailing on a rock and you want me to enjoy it?"

She let me hang long enough to have no other option. I like to call it my lesson in extreme mindfulness, which I use to this day. Even in the most stressful of moments, and as I have learned, especially in the most stressful of moments, when mindfulness is the hardest thing to achieve, it is the most important thing to achieve.

After I calmed down, and looked around, Julie was right. There WAS a beautiful view to be enjoyed. Of course there was. That is why we went to the rock in the first place! How many times do we get so caught up in where we are going…that we forget to appreciate the view and the lessons to be learned right where we are?

We eventually got down to the ground, and Julie said,"Now, back up!" And we had to climb back up the same rock we'd just sported down.

Much harder than the Batman thing.

And so we started back up. That was an exercise in strength (fingertip strength too, not just the big guys!), flexibility, trust, and endurance. It was also a great exercise in strategic thinking, for in rock climbing, you have to be thinking about two, three, four moves up the rock, not just what you're doing in the moment. How many times do you get so stressed that you only think about the current moment, only to act impulsively in a way that sets you up for trouble two, three, four moments in the future?

About halfway up the rock I got stuck. Nowhere, absolutely nowhere that I looked, did I see a crack, crevice, ledge, anything finger or toe friendly that I could use to advance myself. Julie, the most amazingly patient teacher for an exercise like this, reminded me that I had the safety of the rope which allowed me to swing a bit off my current position. She encouraged me to try moving just a half inch to the right.

And there it was, a half inch away, a half dozen new possibilities of working up the rock miraculously waiting for me to discover.

How many times have you been so invested in things having to be one way, the way you want them to be, that you shut yourself out of a host of other ways to get to the same place?

And of course, the feeling of accomplishment upon arriving at the top is one that no one should be denied.

There is physical benefit to rock climbing, but what I love about it, is the mental training. It is a great exercise in mindfulness, trust, problem solving, intentional choices, all the skills you need to work yourself out of some of the situations and behaviors that keep you stuck where you don't want to be.

I encourage you, regardless of your size or current physical condition, if there is a climbing course or indoor climbing wall near you, to get out and try it.

It could open up a world of new ways of thinking and acting that you never considered…some of which could be life changing.

If you've ever heard me speak about PCOS, you know I make a big point about a very positive thing I've noticed about women who have the diagnosis…they're all very creative.

I don't have PCOS, but I am a creative type, and I often see much of myself in the women my work has brought into my life.

I have a small business, and the thought processes and anxieties I see cysters experience and share, feel very similar to what my personal endeavor brings into my own head.

**I don't have any guarantee that I have a paycheck. It can be very easy to focus on the outcome--sales and event registrations--to the point where it's challenging to take action in ways that can make that happen.

**When I need to focus on an important task, my brain has a way of wanting to embrace anything, anything at all…but the thing I need to do.

**I have a short attention span, I'm a better"ideas" person than I am a person who can follow through on those ideas.

I have to work hard, some days, extremely hard, at not letting those tendencies get in the way of my own success! Mindfulness exercises are one of the most important things I do to quiet my mind and channel all of my energy in the direction it needs to go.

One of the problems I see with a lot of mindfulness writing with regard to health, is that it tends to focus on mindfulness surrounding food. It ignores the fact that people who have trouble with food-based mindfulness, have trouble with mindfulness in all aspects of their lives. And so if you jump into working on mindfulness, and you try to attack the most difficult place to be mindful, in the presence of food…chances are you're not going to succeed with it. And then, you're at risk of jumping to the conclusion that you're a failure with food.

I thought I'd share one of my favorite personal mindfulness exercises. I do this when I catch myself doing any of the above. I challenge you to try it. It might help you to understand the struggles you're having with food and exercise choices, are about the way your brain processes ALL information, not just the PCOS stuff. If you can step outside of that very narrow food/exercise world and start to understand that this is just how you think, you may be less likely to negatively judge yourself, maybe even laugh at yourself, and start to attack the problem from some completely different angles.

What I do, is grab my camera and go for a walk. On that walk, I give myself a photography assignment. My favorite one, is to pick a letter of the alphabet and see how many examples of that letter I see in the world around me. Today I worked on the letter A.

Here are some of the things my brain did while I was trying to do this assignment. Does any of it sound familiar in your own thinking?: )

1. In the beginning of the exercise, my A's were very concrete and obvious. I was very rigid and structured with how I proceeded. They became a little more abstract as the walk went along.

2. I was looking for A's in everything! And I couldn't find them. Eventually I got bored with that, stopped paying attention to the exercise, and suddenly A's were coming at me from everywhere.

3. I saw a great M, and a really cool S, and my right (that is, obsessive) brain wanted me to take the photos and save them for future M and S days. My left brain took over and only allowed me to take photos of A's, I reminded myself that this exercise was about reducing destractibility, and there would be plenty of M's and S's on the days I did that exercise.

4. I became more relaxed as I focused my brain on something new and different, and allowed the other pervasive thoughts about my business to fade into the background. And in the process, as I came to the end of my walk, I had a bunch of great photos, some new business ideas that somehow just appeared, and better insight into barriers my thinking style creates for me. I was reminded, once again, that just because I'm not consciously obsessing about a problem, doesn't mean my brain isn't working on it. In fact, it tends to work more creatively when I don't try to force it to do its job.

If you're working on New Year's resolutions, consider your own thinking style. Consider how it works against you, and in what circumstances it works with the best of focus. It could be the creative in you, that's bringing out both. Work to enhance the one, and decrease the influence of the other. In doing so, successful change may be closer and more real than you perceive.

Enjoy the A's!

I've never experienced infertility. I was overweight as a child/teen, but I've been the same weight for most of my adult life. I'm relatively healthy. I'm not saying this to intimidate anyone, but rather to share an insecurity I've had about what I do for a living.

I always wonder how in the world women who have those issues can even find me relevant and helpful if I've never had to experience them?

The last two months have presented me with a situation that, even though it may not be apparent on the outside, has very much changed me on the inside. I've learned a lot about control, gratitude, and what is truly important in life.

And I feel like this journey, challenging as it is, is molding me into someone better equipped to help the people who come to inCYST for help.

Regular readers of the blog will remember that I wrote about my sick kitty in October. I thought I was dealing with a simple urine crystal issue that a diet change would fix. I'm a dietitian, I know how to change diets. This was simple, or so I thought.

Well, Rodeo simply never recovered from the crystal incident. He would not eat. He became lethargic. About a month after the vet visit, I noticed, he just wasn't breathing well. Being the data fiend that I am, I started monitoring his respirations. They seemed stable, so I figured maybe he was allergic to the new diet he'd been prescribed for his urine crystals. I changed back to the old diet and waited to see if he responded.

Then he crashed. I got the last appointment on a Friday evening with his vet, and learned that he was dealing with one of four potential diagnoses. One was a fungal infection (no problem), one of those was a 100% fatal virus (that would require euthanasia), one was cancer (fatal over time), one was heart disease (manageable but life-shortening).

I had to wait almost a week for the pathology report to come back, and to get an appointment for an ultrasound with a cardiologist. (Yes, my cat has more specialists in his Rolodex than I do at this point).

The good news is, it's not the fatal virus, and it's not cancer, but it is heart disease, and it's a serious problem. There is no cure, but there is a lot I can do to manage the situation.

Sound familiar?

I told the vet,"If you can give me heart disease, I'll take heart disease. I can do that." Two sentences I never, ever envisioned coming out of my mouth at any point in my life.

I can tell you this. I have a reputation for being pretty even-keeled in even the most adversarial of situations. During my eating disorder treatment center gig, it was not uncommon for cans of Ensure to be flung my way after a tough counseling session. Nothing phases me after that!

But the night I came home from the vet with a couple of medications and no idea what was happening, I laid on my bed and cried my heart out. I didn't even notice that Rodeo had jumped up on the bed. He felt like crap, and he was sitting there trying to take care of me. I realized, of my two kitties, he is the one most affected by my emotions. And here he was, more concerned about me than about the X-ray, the aspiration, and all the poking and prodding he'd been through.

That was reality check #1. I knew I needed to allow myself to feel what I was feeling, but I needed to learn how to do it in a way that didn't turn itself back on the problem in a negative way.

As I imagine has happened with many of you, my life changed in a mere instant. I became hyper aware of respiratory rates, fluid intake, food intake, urine output, medication times…my life was filled with new details I had no choice but to learn to live with.

Even though I run a business, it's the holidays, and I had committed to coordinating vendors for a huge market here in Phoenix. Even though my five major plans for December revenue pretty much collapsed within days of getting the kitty diagnosis. Somehow, I had to figure out how to make it all work.

This is where I started thinking of all of you. How many of you readers are busy, successful women, juggling a million different responsibilities, happily living out your lives…when you're told you have to start monitoring what you eat, when you eat it, when you ovulate, when you menstruate, what your blood glucose number is…and on top of it all, every expert on the planet expects you to figure out when to work out, to plan the perfect meal combination, each and every meal, to buy the supplements, and on top of it, manage your anxiety, frustration, and anger over the situation?

Do these health professionals even have a clue? Did I ever have a clue with any of my clients I thought I was helping with inCYST? That's what's been going on in my head in the two months since Rodeo's diagnosis.

Reality check #2 for me was realizing what I was doing any time I had a free moment, especially during the week when I didn't know what I was dealing with. I found myself surfing the Internet, Googling symptoms, reading everything I could find about lymphoma and cardiomyopathy, looking for the worst in kitty, looking for anyone, anyone at all, who could tell me that there was a supplement or pill I could give him that would just make this all go away.

That behavior is known as magical thinking. It is a very common thing to do when faced with a situation that leaves you feeling cornered. Getting older. Cancer. Weight that won't come off. Infertility. It's about trying to find something, anything at all, that can give you the illusion that you're in control of something. Note that I used the word illusion. You're really not in control. You've transferred your need to be in control of outcome to a concrete, more manageable option. That's all. The only thing magical thinking succeeds at, is allowing us to avoid the pain of a situation. In many cases, it keeps us distracted from constructive and helpful things we can be doing.

So…knowing from working with all of you that this is what I was doing, I told Rodeo's vet what I do for a living, that I'm a real biochem nerd, and that I was probably dealing with my stress by reading waaay too much about cardiomyopathy. I told him at any time I was becoming annoying and intefering with his treatment plan and Rodeo's progress, he had permission to put me in my place. We negotiated a few things I wanted to try, one we're using, most we're not.

And I am adhering completely to what the doctor ordered. Even if it means staying up past my bedtime to get a med in, even if it means passing on a social invitation if it interferes with the treatment plan, even if it means using money I wanted to spend on something else to buy medication. The vet is not cheap. But he's incredibly smart. If kitty is going to get better, I can't be bargaining with him because of the inconvenience the instructions impose on my life as I wish it was.

Reality check #3 has been about how much control issues can be triggered when life throws a curve ball. We can do everything exactly perfectly. And Rodeo has a bad day. Or Rodeo can go dumpster diving, eat a fish head, throw it up, and be perfectly fine. At least for a day. How Rodeo feels today, is not at all about what I did for him this morning. It is about the consistency of what we do over time.

Oh, I'm so embarrassed to even be saying this, but this simple reality took me awhile to"get". I wanted him to always breathe perfectly. To eat when I gave him the food. To love the deli turkey. It doesn't happen that way. Some days he eats like he's the size of Zenyatta, other days, nothing strikes his fancy. I have had to learn to roll with it, and to not view one incident as failure, but as a challenge to figure out what another option might be.

On the days when things don't go as planned, I have to adjust my life. Yesterday morning, for example, meds did not go in at 8 am as scheduled. I spent 4 hours getting them in, but realizing that the four hours it took to make that happen was four hours I'd planned to spend making my contribution for a holiday potluck I was to attend tonight…I made the choice to cancel my attendance, focus on medication, and spend the evening tonight taking care of myself here at home.

Reality check #4. You know what happened when I stopped stressing about how I was going to do both the medications and the potluck and OMG what happens if I'm at the potluck and he bottoms out?!?!?! Rodeo settled in to one of the absolute best respiratory patterns and ate better for me than he did all week. I suspect he picked up on my more relaxed demeanor and was able to put energy into himself that he was putting into me. Some of the things I am inadvertently doing affect kitty as much, if not more, than the things I am supposed to be doing.

Reality check #5. I sometimes find myself getting annoyed at people complaining about things that now seem minor in the big scheme of things. All these people complaining about having to much to do for Christmas? In my eyes they are lucky they are able to participate. I have to remind myself, their situations are different and even though I might envy them, in their own scenarios are lessons from the Universe in action that may not include a cat. Still working on that one.

There are many early Christmas gifts this situation has brought me.

First of all, I have kitty happily sleeping on the bed today. He doesn't fit into a stocking and probably wouldn't consent to it if he did…but he's here compliments of two of Santa's finest elves…er…angels in elves' clothing, Dr. Oyan and Dr. Paige.

Secondly, my priorities, as healthy as I thought they were, needed some addressing. I have been able to let go of situations that I simply have no time to accommodate. I have more time to myself, since I'm home more, and that has given me quiet time to think about what inCYST will be for all of you in 2011. I hope you like the inspirations you'll see in the next 12 months.

Thirdly, I feel like I have a much better idea of what it is that you all need from inCYST in the first place. I am still at a disadvantage for not having experience every single thing you all have exactly as you have, but I have been humbled, I'm dealing with a challenge, and it cause me to consider every inCYST choice I make in an entirely different fashion. Humility is never a bad thing on which to base intention.

Fourthly, I've learned that it's not always bad if success has to be redefined. Of course I'd love it if there was a cure for cardiomyopathy. But there isn't. I can be angry about it, not follow the vet's instructions because I managed to find an obscure website on the Internet that contradicted them, turn to supplements which would put more control in my hands than his, or do nothing and hope the Calgon cardiomyopathy fairy will just swoop in and whisk us away to Kitty Tahiti.

None of that is going to happen. I got over it, decided to listen to the vet, and to redefine success as staying informed, being proactive and communicative with new information, and to the best of my ability, prioritize my life so that I can enact the recommendations I've been provided with. It's slowly turning things around. Not curing them. But, gratefully, allowing kitty to breathe. Oxygen in heart cells…is a lot more important than a complete and total cure. We have learned to think simply.

Finally, I still don't know what it is like to be infertile, not be able to lose weight, or live with insulin resistance. But at least I am more aware of how important it is to always remember that no matter who are you are, when you look to inCYST for help, guidance, support, inspiration, your story, especially the part we don't know about, or cannot immediately relate to, is important to consider in everything we say and do.

I hope all of you are enjoying your holiday season, whatever customs you practice.

One last thing. To all of my friends who are tired of hearing me talk endlessly about the cat, now that he's stabilizing I can get back to the gym and put the stress there. I appreciate all of your ears and support.

So let's say you've landed on this website because you were doing a Google search at 3:30 in the morning.

Or because you're home from work and can't slow your head down enough to relax and enjoy a leisure activity…so you're surfing the Internet to distract yourself.

What's going on?

It could be a lot of things.

1. If your hormones are out of balance, as with PCOS, you may have excess levels of stress hormones such as cortisol that rise more easily than average, and take longer to normalize after a stressful day.

2. If you didn't sleep well last night and used caffeine and sugar to get through your day, you may be experiencing the aftermath of that.

3. If you over-exercised too late in the day, because it's only large amounts of exercise that help to calm your mind, it may have stressed you more than it relaxed you.

4. You may have a mood disorder (anxiety, bipolar disorder, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, obsessive-compulsive disorder).

How to know which is which? If you've made major changes in your lifestyle, corrected nutrition choices, worked to prioritize sleep, etc., and your head simply won't slow down, that's a huge red flag that something important lies beneath those behaviors. In fact, the imbalances you adopted, from eating sugar to drinking alcohol to relax, to marathon exercise sessions, may have helped you to"medicate" something more important going on in your nervous system.

Mood disorders are important not to ignore. They can be degenerative, which means, left unchecked, they can prematurely age the brain and nervous system. Your new lifestyle choices are incredibly important in slowing that process down, but you may find that additional help, such as a medication, can be tremendously useful as far as finally bringing you back into balance.

If you feel as though I'm describing you, you may be interested in another blog I write, about nutritional aspects of psychotropic medications. It goes into more detail about this specific topic, and I do post a lot of information about nutrition for brain and nervous system health.

Awhile ago I made an informal (that is, never scientifically tested) questionnaire. It's not intended to diagnose, but rather to get you thinking about what kinds of thinking patterns may be underlying how often and how intensely you experience stress. You may be blaming your racing head on your stress, but it may be that your racing head attracts you to situations and relationships that are stressful.

There is no right or wrong way to answer these questions. But do consider, the more"yes" responses you give yourself, and the less your answers change in response to reasonable changes in diet, activity, sleep, and stress management, the more important it is to consider that you may have a mood disorder.

Are You A High energy Thinker? (Copyright 2000, www.afterthediet.com)

1. I am easily flustered.

2. I am easily drawn into a conflict.

3. I am very organized, and when my routine is disrupted, it can ruin my day.

4. I have a hard time with change, I would rather control thngs than let them take their natural course.

5. I can become so attached to a person, idea, or situation that I lose sight of the"big picture" perspective.

6. Staying focused on a task is a challenge; I am easily distracted/bored.

7. I can become obsessed with an activity. I ccan lose track of time because I get so absorbed.

8. People tell me I overanalyze things.

9. Peole tell me I am an adrenaline junkie.

10. I am a perfectionist.

11. I am very sensitive to criticism.

12. I worry a lot.

13. I procrastinate/can't finish projects I start.

14. I feel like I sabotage myself.

15. I have a way of saying or doing impulsive things that undermine relationships or which hurt my credibility.

16. I toss and turn a lot before falling asleep.

17. I can do a lot of things at once; in fact, it's easier thann doing one thing at a time.

18. I feel driven by some sort of internal machine.

If you've ever dieted, and you have trouble sleeping…there may be a reason. Keep in mind, this study was done on rainbow trout, but there is still a message in it for humans. Three groups of trout were studied with regard to their melatonin (sleep hormone/antioxidant) levels and cortisol (stress hormone) levels. The three groups were defined as fed fish, fish that were fasted for 7 days, and fish that were fasted for 7 days then refed for 5 days.

Melatonin levels were disrupted in fasted fish. If you were human, this would likely mean if you were on a strict fasting/dieting protocol, you were probably having trouble sleeping as well.

Interestingly, nighttime serotonin levels were higher in these fasted fish. Melatonin is made from serotonin, so I would presume that what the body tries to do when you're not eating well is to keep you alert and thinking about getting some food. It does that by hanging on to serotonin and preventing its conversion into melatonin. That's a survival mechanism.

So if you're dieting and you're awake at night with cravings? That's a normal response. Don't obsess about what's wrong with you, don't surf the Internet looking for what to do about your cravings. In this kind of situation, you're thinking about food because you need it. Get some.

As far as cortisol, dieting reduced levels and they stayed low after refeeding. You could argue that this is a benefit of dieting…except for the fact that if you're cutting yourself short on melatonin, you're aging yourself more quickly than you should. There are plenyy of ways to reduce melatonin levels without dieting that don't cut your life short on the back end.

By the way, since I write so much about sleep I thought I should mention…I love naps. The long afternoon kind where my cats curl up with me, and I wake up with a little bit of drool on my pillow. I don't feel guilty at all. I completely buy into the idea of"beauty sleep"--sooooo much cheaper than all those anti-aging potions on the infomercials!

Ceinos RM, Polakof S, Illamola AR, Soengas JL, Míguez JM. Food deprivation and refeeding effects on pineal indoles metabolism and melatonin synthesis in the rainbow trout Oncorhynchus mykiss. Gen Comp Endocrinol. 2008 Apr;156(2):410-7. Epub 2008 Jan 8.

We have this mentality about food. If it's healthy, it has to mean work and sacrifice. I am soooo against that way of thinking! For me, food is art, and it's creative energy, and thinking up ways to make it healtthy is part of the process.

I shop a lot at Fresh and Easy, and they have a sale shelf. It's one of my favorite things to do, see what's cheap and see what I can concoct from unexpected combinations.

Here's an example of what can happen when you decide to have fun with food. At last month's Places, Spaces, and Faces dinner here in Phoenix, the theme was fusion. inCYSTer Ivonne Ward, whose heritage is Cuban, started out with a basic Cuban ingredient, plantain bananas.

She called me from the store asking for some inspiration for a savory dish. I suggested Moroccan couscous.

Ivonne found a pre-mixed version, as well as some chicken curry salad. We decided to make what we ended up calling"Cous-chettas y Brus-curry de Havana"…a bruschetta-like appetizer, using broiled platano rounds instead of bread.

Here's how to replicate it.

Cous-chettas y Brus-curries de Havana
1 bag of plaintain chips
2 plaintain bananas
1 bag Mediterranean dried fruit mix
1 container guava jelly
1 salad container prepared couscous salad
1 salad container prepared chicken curry salad
Mint leaves
Olive oil

1. Separate the plaintain chips, setting aside all of the whole ones. Grind the broken ones into crumbs in a food processor.

2. Chop the dried fruit mix.

3. Slice the mint leaves into thin ribbons.

4. Cut the plantain into 1-1/2 inch slices. Stand them upright and smash them from top to bottom, to make what looks like mini pancakes. Spray them on both sides with olive oil and broil them on both sides until browned.

5. Take a few squares of guava jelly, add a bit of water, and heat over medium heat until it melts into a syrup. Set aside.

6. Spoon a small amount of salad on top of the plantain rounds, then spoon a small bit of chopped dried fruit mix on top of the salad.

7. Sprinkle crushed plantain chips on top of the salad, then drizzle a bit of guava syrup over the salad.

8. Lay a mint strip on top, and insert a whole plaintain chip for decoration.

9. Give yourself a pat on the back for having fun with food!

You can use any topping you have, really. What I liked about this creation is that we used ready-made salads to save some time and took a cultural favorite, fried plantains, and figured out a healthy way to cook them.

Our attitudes control our lives. Attitudes are a secret power working twenty-four hours a day, for good or bad. It is of paramount importance that we know how to harness and control this great force. -Tom Blandi

I have a friend who likes to say “I (heart) my attitude problem” – she loves her attitude problem, she’s proud of it, she parades it in front of anyone who will listen. She’s got a bad attitude, and she doesn’t want to fix it – and that’s one form of attempting to control. She alienates a whole lot of people with her bad attitude, thereby proving to herself repeatedly that she’s unlovable and unacceptable. Maybe you have that kind of twist on control issues, or maybe yours looks more like this:

• “Don’t worry; I’ve got it handled.”

• “If I follow this specific diet and exercise plan, I will lose weight, and everything will be okay.”

• “If I can schedule it, I can plan for it.”

• “I’ve mapped it, scheduled it, programmed it, imagined it, and now it’s going to happen exactly that way.”

• “Sure, I can do all of this by tomorrow.”

• “If I could figure out what to do to prevent him/her/it from acting that way, I wouldn’t be suffering.”
How often have you said one or more of the above, all the while thinking distressing secret thoughts that go more like this:

• “I’m a liar, liar, pants on fire – but maybe I won’t get busted – this time.”

• “What am I thinking?! This is insane!”

• “If I talk enough, or move fast enough, no one will notice that this is a disaster spinning out of control.”

• “Who am I kidding? I can’t even control what I put in mouth for 24 hours, let alone anything else.”

We all have illusions of control, to varying degree. That’s fine – sometimes it’s even protective. But the problems occur when you don’t realize your illusion of control is actually an illusion, you believe your own phony story about precisely how in charge you are, or you slip over to the opposite side, believe you have no control over anything at all, and stop taking charge of what you can control.

Awesomely enough, however, your attitude IS within your control. You cannot control the weather, your mother, most of your hormonal fluctuations, or the state of the economy. You can’t even control the emotions that flow through you. But you can control your response to those emotions (getting stuck in them vs. letting them flow freely), your attitude towards life in general (pessimism vs. optimism), a goodly number of the people you hang out with, the influences you expose yourself to, and a host of other things. How about focusing your energy on the few things you truly can control?

Gretchen Kubacky, Psy.D. is a Health Psychologist in private practice in West Los Angeles, California. She specializes in counseling women and couples who are coping with infertility, PCOS, and related endocrine disorders and chronic illnesses.

If you would like to learn more about Dr. HOUSE or her practice, or obtain referrals in the Los Angeles area, please visit her website at www.drhousemd.com, or e-mail her at Gretchen@drhousemd.com. You can also follow her on Twitter @askdrhousemd.

Hello everyone, I have an awesome announcement! As of yesterday I am the Director of Marketing for Chow Locally. This does not mean anything will change at inCYST…in fact, this means great things for our organization.

Chow Locally is what is known as a regional food hub. that means that it centralizes distributton of organic, locally grown food. I love farmer's markets but sometimes what I want is distributed across several markets. If I schlepped to every one that I needed to in order to get everything I wanted…it would drastically increase the carbon footprint of my purchase. Same thing if the farmers try to be at every market.

Chow Locally centralizes the process. It is like an online farmer's market. You place your order online, we tally the orders for the farmers who simply deliver to one place, and we bring your order to three different pickup locations. If our pickup locations are not convenient, and you can organize enough committed customers for an additional location, we can set that up.

One of Chow Locally's newest products is a weekly box which showcases what is in season. we predetermine the food based on what our farmers tell us they have in abundance. It's a lot like a CSA, but one major difference is that you don't need to shell out several month's worth of grocery money like you often have to do with a CSA. I used to love my CSA but being a small business owner with erratic cash flow and a busy travel schedule it didn't work for me to commit my food money that far in advance.

I immediately thought of all of you with these new weekly boxes because I have seen how paralyzed you often get at the thought of changing your food habits. One of the reasons I believe many of you have PCOS in the first place is perfectionistic, all-or-nothing thinking that perpetually has you bouncing back and forth between extreme and rigid dieting, and eating anything and everything when you get confused or don't see results quickly enough.

The Chow Locally boxes can be a way to shift your thinking. Instead of being paralyzed at the"what should I eat?" step, you can get a prepared box of foods that are healthy, and focus on the"how can I fix this?" step. I know I was more likely to fix fennel when it was staring at me from the vegetabLe bin than if I had to bring ho e something funky from the store that I was not quite sure about. I had so much more variety in my eating when I got these boxes!

Still not confident you can do this? we've got a great colleague who is both a dietitian and a chef helping to develop recipes which will come with each box. And I'll be sharing my box adventures here. Even if you're not in Phoenix you can learn more about seasonal eating and cooking and perhaps be inspired to try new things.

If you ARE in Phoenix and you would like to be involved, check out our website, www.chowlocally.com. And try out a box! We really want to hear from our customers about how they use our locally grown and produced foods!

That beautiful photo, by the way, was taken by good friend, talented photographer, and major foodie Julie Zagars, who test drove a box for us. Thanks Julie, hope you enjoyed the goods!

In my role as a health psychologist who specializes in PCOS and other endocrine disorders, I read a lot of material on PCOS, insulin resistance, infertility, diabetes, and other hormonal matters. The more I read, the more I’m aware of the biases in the various camps, by which I mean, these types of messages that populate the media, presented here with my interpretation of the subtext:

• Natural is the only way to go – you’ll destroy your body with birth control pills and metformin (they’re all toxic chemicals!);
• Supplements are the way to go — forget the pharmaceuticals (it’s only 90 capsules a day, but you’ll manage);
• If you would just practice positive thinking, and say enough mantras, you could improve your fertility and have a cute baby just like this (it’s really your fault);
• We should accept our “flaws” as part of our beauty (and damn the women who take advantage of electrolysis, body sculpting, and hair dye);
• If you don’t follow this medical protocol quite strictly for the rest of your life, you’ll end up in terrible condition, with a host of dreadful side effects that will ultimately make your life miserable and then kill you (I’m the doctor, and I hold all the answers, and I’m going to scare you into compliance);
• Low carbohydrate diets are the only solution (chronic deprivation is the way to go);
• PCOS women shouldn’t exercise too much, or they’ll get all bulky and look like men (this is not actually physiologically possible, but it’s a great excuse);
• Exercise is the only thing that really works, and here’s how to do it (never mind that I don’t have PCOS myself, and know nothing about PCOS).

I could go on and on, but you get the idea. There’s a problem with all of these messages, and the problem is, they’re all wrong. There is no one solution that applies universally to all of us. We are each a unique composition of chemistries, ethnicities, weights, ages, and personal points of view. We have access to different specialists and reading materials. We have different beliefs about what works and what doesn’t. We have varying abilities to assess the correctness of scientific or medical data. We have limited finances and time to try every possible potential solution. And we are, quite possibly, exhausted from trying.

Additionally, consider the source. Quite a lot of these messages (picked up directly from my reading, but not attributed, in order to protect the innocent and the not-so-innocent) are presented to us with the intention of selling something – supplements, coaching services, dietary plans, books, CDs, or workshops. There’s nothing wrong with any of those things, by the way, but if the message consistently points in one direction, and it always results in you buying something, it may not be a message you want to heed. This blog tries to present useful information in a way that allows you to make reasonable choices, utilizing commonly available resources, and without pushing you towards any one philosophy, guru, product, or way of thinking. I think that’s a sensible approach.

That being said, we need to respect the choices that our fellow travelers in this PCOS journey are making. If a woman wants to try metformin, or birth control pills, or Spironolactone, or a low carbohydrate diet, and there’s no medical contraindication, let’s support her the best way we can. Don’t present your personal experience as the absolute truth. Offer it as a way of being there for support, or simply to share your experience so she has other “evidence” to consider.

Consider the impact of emphatic statements that “the only” way to produce a baby, or weight loss, or better fasting glucose numbers, is by following your plan. The woman on the other end may not have the time, education, or finances to implement your well-meaning suggestions, and the result on the other end may be a real emotional slam for a woman who’s already feeling fragile and desperate (this is especially true in the fertility/infertility arena).

Gretchen Kubacky, Psy.D. is a Health Psychologist in private practice in West Los Angeles, California. She specializes in counseling women and couples who are coping with infertility, PCOS, and related endocrine disorders and chronic illnesses.

If you would like to learn more about Dr. HOUSE or her practice, or obtain referrals in the Los Angeles area, please visit her website at www.drhousemd.com, or e-mail her at Gretchen@drhousemd.com. You can also follow her on Twitter @askdrhousemd.

We all know we should more veggies. But it doesn't often work out that way. I think a big part of it is the part of our brain that decides how to prepare them, gets locked into thinking they either have to go into salads, or they are steamed on the side (like the ubiquitous broccoli I mentioned in my recent restaurant review). Juicing is ok…but for our group, the high carbohydrate to protein ratio is not really hormone-friendly.

I also think, this same part of the brain that persists in thinking vegetables are bland and boring, is the one that also has us believing that if we are"good" and we eat veggies, we are giving up things we like to eat.

If that is not the worst marketing for a great concept I have ever seen!

Why not…make something you like with new and different ingredients? (slaps forehead)

Here is a collection of links to recipes for pizzas, in which the crusts are made of vegetables instead of flour. Majorly simple way to healthify your dinner without compromising taste.

Have fun, readers!

 Cauliflower Crust Hawaiian Pizza

Kale-Crust Pizza

Kale Pizza with Sweet Potato Crust

Carrot Crust Pizza

Turnip Crust Pizza

Zucchini Crust Pizza

Beet Crust Pizza

Spaghetti Squash Pizza

I have been fielding questions about Pregnitude for a couple of months now, and have been interested to see your reactions to this supplement. For years inCYST has received emails, posts on our fan page, comments to this blog, begging, pleading, praying for an answer to your situation.

And now that something is available that has good potential to help, which has been clinically tested…a good number of you are still paralyzed out of taking action. You're thinking about it, you're waiting to see if anyone gets pregnant, you're questioning the study findings.

This post is going to be pasted in response to any future questions I have about Pregnitude. Most of you have found my other articles, so there is no need to share those. You're still pondering them and they have not motivated you to act.

--Pregnitude is a compound, myoinositol, which you already have in your body, that is, for whatever reason, not present in sufficient amounts.

--It is challenging, if not impossible, to get enough myoinositol simply by eating food. You can increase your muscle mass and eat more protein to facilitate that process, which I strongly encourage you to do, but reversing the effects of muscle breakdown from past choices will take time and commitment.

--The difference between Pregnitude and other myoinositol supplements you can buy, is quality control; it is much purer, and therefore delivering a more potent therapeutic dose, than other options.

--Chances are, if you have had an eating disorder, dieted a lot, been vegan, or overexercised, you've depleted the muscle mass your body needs to make its own myoinositol.

--It's not a replacement for good choices in the food, activity, sleep, and stress management department. It is going to work best for those who engage in lifestyle practices that help to maintain myoinositol levels.

--You will not see results in a day, or two, or three. You will need to give it a good 3 to 6 month trial out of fairness. If you have memory issues, then program your computer or smart phone with reminders, to be sure you use it the way it needs to be used in order to get effects.

--Compared to many options available to you, like assisted reproduction, it's a smoking deal at about $30 a month. If you're saving money for a procedure but balking at the idea of spending less than the cost of a latte per day on this, consider what the motivation for that choice might be.

Bottom line: If you have read all the way to the end of this post, your choice NOT to try Pregnitude is your informed, voluntary refusal. If you try it and nothing happens, then you know. If you don't try it and nothing happens, then you will never know.

If the thought that you may actually get what you have lived with thinking you wanted but could not have, is somehow intimidating or scary, I strongly encourage you to consider talking to someone like Dr. Gretchen about how you can put those fears aside and embrace newer, positive possibilities.

I receive no money from Everett Labs. I simply see the potential in this product.

I recently accepted a challenge from a friend who is a proficient swimmer, to learn to swim the butterfly stroke. It's going to take awhile, it's not an easy stroke to learn, and right now I'm completely floundering in the water. But that isn't stopping me. I am having an absolute blast learning something new! I walk around the house doing the"air butterfly" stroke…and every time I swim, I can see some improvement. And even though I currently refer to my version of this stroke as the"epileptic butterfly"…I am so excited when I realize it's a day I get to hit the pool!

Awhile back when I was taking golf lessons, I mentioned to a friend that I didn't understand why women weren't on golf courses, given the fact that all my girlfriends complain they can't meet men and this is a place where there is no shortage of them. He shared his observation that women often don't do things unless they can do them perfectly on the first try. And golf takes a lot of patience and persistence.

I would have to agree with him. I once volunteered at a charity golf tournament and noticed a distinct difference between the way men and women teed off. The men were completely focused on their stroke, from the backstroke all the way through follow-through. The women all seemed to stop halfway through to see how far they'd hit their ball…then their body would slump, as if to communicate that they weren't happy with their stroke.

WELL OF COURSE YOU CAN'T BE HAPPY ABOUT IT, YOU ONLY DID IT HALFWAY BEFORE YOUR SELF-ESTEEM SABOTAGED YOUR SUCCESS!!!

I was thinking about that golf conversation as I swam…er…floundered in the pool this weekend. Thinking I would never, ever get this butterfly thing down if I approached it the way I saw so many women play golf. You just have to do it and not worry about perfection!

I've heard women give so many excuses for not exercising.

1. They can't do yoga because they can't do the positions correctly.
2. They can't swim because they never learned the proper stroke.
3. They can't play _________________ because they never learned.
4. They can't put on active wear because they don't like how they look.

What's your excuse? And why do you keep making it?

One of my biggest pet peeves is when active and already fit people snicker at someone who is making the effort to move their body. I always make sure, when that happens, to remind them,"At least the person is out there moving, how do you think that body is going to change?"

And when my clients suggest that they can't work out because they can't do something correctly, or they're not good enough to be competetive with others who do the same sport, I have one word. Lessons. I found my golf classes at the local community college. Years ago, I took a ski lesson my first day on the slopes, sent my then-boyfriend off to ski to his heart's content, then met up with him in the afternoon to show him what I'd learned. He wasn't held back, and we had so much to talk about when we finally met up!

As for yoga, there is no right or wrong position. The right thing is…that you show up at class and you try. And you persist long enough to feel the benefits.

I notice that many exercise sites on the 'net are created by people who are already fit. It's nice that they have a lot of ideas, and encouragement, and that they want to show you how fit THEY are…but when I put myself in the shoes of someone who's not there yet, I imagine it doesn't really help to see someone with a lean, muscular body tell you about how good they are at what they do.

Just know, we're not all perfect. The most important thing is that you exercise because it's something you enjoy, and that it doesn't really matter what anyone thinks of your form.

What matters is that you do something good for yourself.

It's the surest way to break free of your old"why I can't" rules and feel as free as a (non-epileptic) butterfly.

At the spring Binge Eating Disorder Association (BEDA) conference, research was presented about the power of mindfulness in improving insulin function. Note the word is mindfulness, not mindful eating. I notice, that people tend to compartmentalize mindfulness. They focus on mindful eating, but that's pretty much where it ends. Mindfulness in other areas of their lives tends to be random, or even nonexistent.

I've been working to streamline my Twitter life recently, and I've been thinking a lot about that. And as much as I value it as a communications, marketing, and productivity tool, I also believe it has become one of our culture's biggest saboteurs of mindfulness.

Twitter is an incredibly powerful and useful networking tool that has even saved lives. I've made great connections with it.

Twitter can be so chaotic and ever present, however, it can completely take over your life. And when it does, it's impossible to be mindful. So in the name of using Twitter mindfully, so that you get the most out of the experience, without it interfering with mindful living that is so important to your PCOS success, I have created a top ten list of rules for mindful Tweeting.

1. Mindful Tweeters have a Tweet mission in mind. Are you using Twitter to market your business? To network? To share information with colleagues? Are you following people for a reason? Because what they have to say enhances your day? Because they're following you? Because you hope they'll follow back? To deal with anxiety? I do try to keep my follows diverse, as some of my most important communications have come from the most surprising Tweeps, but I also eliminate people whose Tweets consistently do not fit with my general goal for the day. I wouldn't be interested in a person accounting for every single second of every single day if we were sitting together for lunch, and it's not something I wish to use Twitter for. Your Tweeps are following you because they think you have meaningful things to say. Don't misuse the time they give you.

2. Mindful Tweeters think before they Tweet. How many Tweets a day is a person sending out? In general, how relevant are those Tweets to what I intend to accomplish over the day? If this person was my cubicle mate and sending me all these Tweets via email or phone message, would it annoy me? If so, I probably won't follow them. Too much information coming at me from cyberspace keeps me from being aware of what's in my real world. When I'm not aware, I'm not thinking about what I think and how I feel and what needs to be done about it. I'm more likely to eat more and exercise less.

3. Mindful Tweeters read before they reTweet. Just because a Tweet intro to a link sounds interesting, it doesn't mean the Tweet is worthy of retweeting. Too often, it's a teaser to entice Tweeters into circulating promotional (or even pornographic) material. Did you know, activities like Tweeting actually reprogram the brain to respond to them as if they're cocaine! Are you Tweeting because you have the urge to move your fingers? Or because you've actually read the material and think it would be valuable to your followers.

4. Mindful Tweeters use Tweet efficiency tools such as Tweetdeck. I had a Twitter account for a year before I actually used it, because I didn't know about Tweetdeck. It allows me to filter Tweets by category. I don't have to read them all, I can read the news, info from colleagues, trending topics…and honestly, people who aren't exercising #1, #2, and #3 don't make it to those columns. Once in awhile, on a slow day, I look at the aggregate column, but for the most part, I keep people off my follow list who I can't categorize and who are filling my brain and thoughts with information that makes it hard to think about what I need to do to take care of myself.

5. Mindful Tweeters take Tweet timeouts. I turn Twitter on in the morning, read Tweets, schedule my Tweets, turn it off the rest of the day, and turn it on once again at the end of the day. Other than that it's off. Challenge yourself to a Twitter timeout and see how you feel. Anxious? Left out? Needing a fix? That's a problem. Work on that. See if you can take an entire day, maybe even a weekend, off. You were doing it just a few years ago. You can do it now.

6. Mindful Tweeters have real time friends. And they don't Tweet in their presence. Nothing is more annoying than taking the time out from a busy day to spend with a treasured friend…and then have them spend more time staring at a phone or computer screen than to interact with you. Don't be that friend. Put the phone down when you're in the presence of real people. What real-time interaction does to your people skills will transfer to your being a more effective…and mindful…Tweeter.

7. Mindful Tweeters interact with their Tweeps. Before I follow a person, I check out their profile. Is the person talking at a bunch of followers he or she doesn't even know, without responding to what other people are saying? Unless it's a news or information channel, I steer clear of that kind of account. It's going to fill my screen and brain with information that crowds out the important information…my own thoughts and feelings.

8. Mindful Tweeters don't base their self-esteem or success on the number of followers they have. If you're basing your self-esteem on the size of your flock, and not on who you are, as you are, you're susceptible to needing to be online for validation. Have you transferred your obsession with weight and food to your Twitter flock? The inevitable waxes and wanes, mentions, etc., that are completely out of your control, have been given power to influence how you treat yourself. Don't let it happen.

9. Mindful Tweeters live now, Tweet later. An occasional Tweet from the scene is fine. But I recently sat next to someone at a conference who spent the entire time Tweeting. Never looked up from his screen. I was never able to make eye contact to network. When your Tweeting becomes more important than what it is your Tweeting is about…you're in over your head. There is no way you're able, in that frame of mind, to have good insight into how you feel and what you need to do about it.

10. Mindful Tweeters are in control of Twitter and not the other way around.

For those of you who are not on our Facebook fan page, here is an update about our progress! And a recent photo of me if you've ever wondered what I look like.

With all the positive energy and support surrounding this effort, we've got some great and exciting things to blog about coming up!

All these years I've been studying hormones, it's always seemed to me that one of the main reasons their disorders are so hard to figure out and help…is that the research that needs to be done to find the answers is not highly likely to be funded by pharmaceutical or food corporations. Sure there are are other grants, but a bottleneck is created when everyone wanting to do research about foods, herbs, sleep, acupuncture, etc…, is forced into competing heavily for the other money that is available. The politics and competition for that money become pretty incredible.

That leaves people with hormone disorders to their own devices and what they find on the Internet, which is often presented by one person based on their personal experience, or someone trying to sell supplements and capitalize on another person's fears. Not always smart, not always safe, not always successful.

I kept thinking there had to be a better way.

Then, a few months ago, twice in 36 hours, I was asked where money could be devoted to MY research institute. And a reporter who was following my blog asked me if I had a picture of my institute (I didn't think my dining room table piled with papers and a sleeping kitty would provide much credibility…so I declined at the time.)

However…I did realize that it was time to stop thinking someone else was going to do this and that life was surrounding me with people and circumstances that made it possible for ME to get it going.

I was finally pushed into action when a woman with PCOS, (who happens to be organizing one of our fundraisers) could not get anyone to accept money for PCOS research, and who was actually told the disorder"was not sexy enough to merit that kind of fundraising". Really? One in ten women? Leading cause of infertility? Most common endocrine disorder in women? You have GOT to be kidding!?!?!

So I've been doing the legwork to get the inCYST Institute for Hormone Health up and running. We're opening up headquarters, to be housed in the new Blank Spaces coworking community in Santa Monica, CA next month. (Lucy, #1 on my list after signing the lease and writing the check…is getting you that picture.)

And while I'm sticking my neck out and willing to be the face, mouth, and typing fingers behind this organization, it's really designed to be user driven. I really want this to be as volunteer-oriented as we can be. Thus far, we've got two fundraisers planned:

1. (Late summer, date TBD, Los Angeles) Bootcamp with celebrity fitness trainer Craig Ramsay.

2. (September 17, rain date 18, Nashua, NH) 5k walk. The organizers of this fundraiser are also working to figure out a way for walkers to participate if they are not geographically near this location.

All it took was for me to say I would do this for people to begin volunteering their time. It's simultaneously humbling and inspiring! There's a lot to do in order to live up to these expectations, and I'm doing all that I can. I'm sending you this announcement so you know we're out there and to share with you a few ways you can help us out.

1. Tell your friends! The more people we have on our fan page, the easier it is for us to publicize events. Here is also where we'll be providing updates on our official activities in the research arena.

2. Volunteer! If you'd like to help out with either of these events, or have an idea for a fundraiser of your own, please let me know what you would like to offer in terms of time and talent.

3. Of course, donate. I just spent a day at a nonprofit summit learning about the nuts and bolts of efficient nonprofit management. I intend to make our foundation very lean and mean so that the bulk of the money earned goes directly to our cause. It's too important to not prioritize that. I've got a Paypal address where you can send money, germandesertgirl@yahoo.com, or until the foundation's California mailing address is set up, you can send checks to inCYST Institute for Hormone Health, 4201 East Camelback, Unit 16, Phoenix, AZ 85018.

BTW, I am teased by my family for being more than a little driven and nerdy. Once my mom wanted to spank me for something I had done and she found me sitting cross-legged on the floor reading a book. I obliged her by standing up, letting her punish me, and immediately sitting down. Never stopped reading the entire time. When she tells this story she always pauses and says,"That is when I knew you were not the average child." That drive and passion I commit to everyone who supports the Institute. Thank heavens we're about healthy living as it will give me an excuse to put the books down, get out, move around, and meet some of you amazing people from time to time.

I may be overly nerdy and driven, but I work hard to also be human and compassionate. Please know that any thoughts you have to share are more than welcome.

If you ever wish to contact me my email is marika@google.com, and my phone number is 623.486.0737.

Here's to learning great things about hormones!

Monika M. Woolsey, MS, RD

Founder and CEO

inCYST Institute for Hormone Health

We’ve reached that point in the year where New Year’s resolutions have long-since faded, the desire and commitment to creating a “beach body” has also expired, and, although it’s still blazing hot in most parts of the country, fall fashions abound, and Halloween cards and paraphernalia have already appeared in the stores. What a great time to reactivate your commitment to health!
I propose that you do that by thinking long-term, and giving yourself some motivation by:
· Thinking of health as a year-round project, instead of a seasonal exercise. It’s better to think now about how to prevent yourself from packing on winter flab than to mindlessly eat your way into the next size up. If being overweight is part of your PCOS struggle, you know how much you prize the loss of even one pound, and how much more effort it took to produce that loss than it would for any non-PCOS woman. In our case, the backsliding can take weeks or even months to recover from – don’t let it happen!
· Remembering that even though YOU may take a vacation, your PCOS doesn’t take a vacation. It’s a lifetime effort, and our bodies are so sensitive. I don’t know about you, but too much alcohol (more than a glass of wine), caffeine (sadly, more than about half a cup of coffee), or high glycemic food makes me feel incredibly awful. My heart races, I get sleepy and begin to experience brain fog, and thirst overwhelms me. In mere minutes, I can feel my body getting unbalanced, and like I said above, it might take the rest of the day, or even up to 48 hours to really get back in synch. That’s a high price to pay for short-term indulgence. Think of moderation as a gift you’re giving to your body, your brain, your productivity, and your sociability.
· Setting some goals, if you KNOW you need them to be motivated. And as much as we may resist the idea, most of us DO respond to goal-setting, especially when it’s tied to rewards. Think of some affordable, healthy, readily obtained rewards – a manicure, a basket of fat golden raspberries, a foot massage, or the latest trendy shade of nail polish. Don’t wait until the first of the month, or your birthday, or whatever. Today’s a Monday; that’s good enough!
· Beginning to treat yourself like a priority, instead of an afterthought. Sure, you’re busy with the house, the kids, your husband, your friends, your church, your hobbies, and whatever else. But you can’t get well, or stay well, unless you act as if you are at least as important as everything else that pulls on your attention or your heart-strings. Program a reminder into your smart phone. Write some Post-It notes and stick them up around the house. Ask a friend to remind you regularly how fabulous and worthy you are.
All of this requires effort, true enough, and you are SO worth it!
Gretchen Kubacky, Psy.D. is a Health Psychologist in private practice in West Los Angeles, California. She has completed the inCYST training. She specializes in counseling women and couples who are coping with infertility, PCOS, and related endocrine disorders and chronic illnesses.
If you would like to learn more about Dr. HOUSE or her practice, or obtain referrals in the Los Angeles area, please visit her website at www.drhousemd.com , or e-mail her at AskDrHouseMD@gmail.com. You can also follow her on Twitter @askdrhousemd.

If you've ever dieted, and you have trouble sleeping…there may be a reason. Keep in mind, this study was done on rainbow trout, but there is still a message in it for humans. Three groups of trout were studied with regard to their melatonin (sleep hormone/antioxidant) levels and cortisol (stress hormone) levels. The three groups were defined as fed fish, fish that were fasted for 7 days, and fish that were fasted for 7 days then refed for 5 days.

Melatonin levels were disrupted in fasted fish. If you were human, this would likely mean if you were on a strict fasting/dieting protocol, you were probably having trouble sleeping as well.

Interestingly, nighttime serotonin levels were higher in these fasted fish. Melatonin is made from serotonin, so I would presume that what the body tries to do when you're not eating well is to keep you alert and thinking about getting some food. It does that by hanging on to serotonin and preventing its conversion into melatonin. That's a survival mechanism.

So if you're dieting and you're awake at night with cravings? That's a normal response. Don't obsess about what's wrong with you, don't surf the Internet looking for what to do about your cravings. In this kind of situation, you're thinking about food because you need it. Get some.

As far as cortisol, dieting reduced levels and they stayed low after refeeding. You could argue that this is a benefit of dieting…except for the fact that if you're cutting yourself short on melatonin, you're aging yourself more quickly than you should. There are plenyy of ways to reduce melatonin levels without dieting that don't cut your life short on the back end.

By the way, since I write so much about sleep I thought I should mention…I love naps. The long afternoon kind where my cats curl up with me, and I wake up with a little bit of drool on my pillow. I don't feel guilty at all. I completely buy into the idea of"beauty sleep"--sooooo much cheaper than all those anti-aging potions on the infomercials!

Ceinos RM, Polakof S, Illamola AR, Soengas JL, Míguez JM. Food deprivation and refeeding effects on pineal indoles metabolism and melatonin synthesis in the rainbow trout Oncorhynchus mykiss. Gen Comp Endocrinol. 2008 Apr;156(2):410-7. Epub 2008 Jan 8.