The Hemp Connection:
attitude

Every superhero has a superpower:

• Leaping over tall buildings in a single bound!
• Flying without mechanical assistance!
• X-ray vision!
• Breathing for extended periods under water!
• Becoming invisible!

When I was a child, the superpower I wanted most was to be able to shrink down to about one inch tall, so that I could observe the world without being observed. Although that would still be fun, if I had a superpower now, I would want it to be wiping people clean of mental and physical illness and disease. I wish I had a magical capacity to briefly join energetic forces with my clients, and quickly relieve them of what ails them.

And yet, I am a mere human, so I have to deal with my very human limitations. Since I don’t have a superpower, I apply the capacities I do have – empathy, understanding, relating, connecting, validating, offering technical and scientific education, and utilizing my intuition, among other tools – to the practice of psychotherapy. Although remarkable changes can occur quite quickly in therapy, in reality, it’s not magic, and it’s a process that can take months or even years.

The superpower I have as a therapist though is one that you can use yourself. It’s called reframing, and it’s the practice of taking a negative statement and changing it around into something positive, containing elements of optimism. For example:

• “I have really bad hypoglycemia, and now I have to use this stupid glucose monitor to check my sugars and make sure they’re not too low” BECOMES “I have a special machine that allows me to track my sugars and prevent hypoglycemia, so I feel really good most of the time.”

• “I have to go the doctor every three months for tests related to my PCOS, and I hate going to the doctor!” BECOMES “I have the opportunity to monitor my health closely, and prevent complications.”

• “This disease makes me miserable” BECOMES “I have a chronic condition, AND I can manage it effectively.”

See how the first statement in each example contains elements of negativity, fatalism, pessimism, and victimhood? The counter-statements – the reframes – cite a benefit or positive outcome, and take an assertive stance about owning the quality of your life.

Reframing isn’t useful just for therapists, or women with PCOS, or people with chronic medical conditions. It’s useful in all aspects of your life. Once you start reshaping your language, your thoughts will change, and so will your actions. So it’s not exactly a superpower… I'm okay with that, because it’s a highly effective tool to incorporate into your life.

Gretchen Kubacky, Psy.D. is a Health Psychologist in private practice in West Los Angeles, California. She specializes in counseling women and couples who are coping with infertility, PCOS, and related endocrine disorders and chronic illnesses.

If you would like to learn more about Dr. HOUSE or her practice, or obtain referrals in the Los Angeles area, please visit her website at www.drhousemd.com, or e-mail her at Gretchen@drhousemd.com. You can also follow her on Twitter @askdrhousemd.

Our attitudes control our lives. Attitudes are a secret power working twenty-four hours a day, for good or bad. It is of paramount importance that we know how to harness and control this great force. -Tom Blandi

I have a friend who likes to say “I (heart) my attitude problem” – she loves her attitude problem, she’s proud of it, she parades it in front of anyone who will listen. She’s got a bad attitude, and she doesn’t want to fix it – and that’s one form of attempting to control. She alienates a whole lot of people with her bad attitude, thereby proving to herself repeatedly that she’s unlovable and unacceptable. Maybe you have that kind of twist on control issues, or maybe yours looks more like this:

• “Don’t worry; I’ve got it handled.”

• “If I follow this specific diet and exercise plan, I will lose weight, and everything will be okay.”

• “If I can schedule it, I can plan for it.”

• “I’ve mapped it, scheduled it, programmed it, imagined it, and now it’s going to happen exactly that way.”

• “Sure, I can do all of this by tomorrow.”

• “If I could figure out what to do to prevent him/her/it from acting that way, I wouldn’t be suffering.”
How often have you said one or more of the above, all the while thinking distressing secret thoughts that go more like this:

• “I’m a liar, liar, pants on fire – but maybe I won’t get busted – this time.”

• “What am I thinking?! This is insane!”

• “If I talk enough, or move fast enough, no one will notice that this is a disaster spinning out of control.”

• “Who am I kidding? I can’t even control what I put in mouth for 24 hours, let alone anything else.”

We all have illusions of control, to varying degree. That’s fine – sometimes it’s even protective. But the problems occur when you don’t realize your illusion of control is actually an illusion, you believe your own phony story about precisely how in charge you are, or you slip over to the opposite side, believe you have no control over anything at all, and stop taking charge of what you can control.

Awesomely enough, however, your attitude IS within your control. You cannot control the weather, your mother, most of your hormonal fluctuations, or the state of the economy. You can’t even control the emotions that flow through you. But you can control your response to those emotions (getting stuck in them vs. letting them flow freely), your attitude towards life in general (pessimism vs. optimism), a goodly number of the people you hang out with, the influences you expose yourself to, and a host of other things. How about focusing your energy on the few things you truly can control?

Gretchen Kubacky, Psy.D. is a Health Psychologist in private practice in West Los Angeles, California. She specializes in counseling women and couples who are coping with infertility, PCOS, and related endocrine disorders and chronic illnesses.

If you would like to learn more about Dr. HOUSE or her practice, or obtain referrals in the Los Angeles area, please visit her website at www.drhousemd.com, or e-mail her at Gretchen@drhousemd.com. You can also follow her on Twitter @askdrhousemd.