The Hemp Connection:
grief

This week continues our discussion about PCOS and the grief process, through the DABDA (denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance) model. Depression is so common among PCOS patients that I write about it quite often. It’s important for you to remain conscious of the clues that you may have depression. Many, if not most of my PCOS patients have some form of depression.

When we’re talking about depression in the context of death and dying, it looks like it does in PCOS too. If you’re suffering from depression, PCOS-related or not, it might look like:

• Sleeping too much or not enough
• Eating too much or not nearly enough
• Being irritable, snappish, and short-tempered
• Feeling suicidal
• Feeling hopeless about your future
• Feeling helpless to do anything to make things better
• Having an overall gloomy, pessimistic perspective on life

It is certainly easy to feel down when you think about the fact that PCOS is so challenging, misunderstood, and often misdiagnosed, and mistreated. It is one of those conditions that benefit less from standard medical treatment and more from diet, exercise, and good self-care. It comes with embarrassing physical symptoms that are time-consuming and costly to manage. There’s not a lot of research being focused on the condition. All of that is definitely overwhelming.

Not to mention, the hormonal imbalance inherent to PCOS can cause depression, even if you manage to maintain a positive attitude, take good care of yourself, and have a good support system. Sometimes, depression invades your mind and soul, because your body’s overwhelmed your coping mechanisms. Depression is best-treated by a professional therapist, sometimes with the assistance of a medical doctor known as a psychiatrist (a specialist in psychotropic medications – medications for mental health conditions).

Next week, we’ll talk about the final stage of the DABDA process – acceptance.

Gretchen Kubacky, Psy.D. is a Health Psychologist in private practice in West Los Angeles, California. She has completed the inCYST training. She specializes in counseling women and couples who are coping with infertility, PCOS, and related endocrine disorders and chronic illnesses.

If you would like to learn more about Dr. HOUSE or her practice, or obtain referrals in the Los Angeles area, please visit her website at www.drhousemd.com, or e-mail her at AskDrHouseMD@gmail.com. You can also follow her on Twitter @askdrhousemd.

This week we’ll talk about bargaining, from the perspective of how bargaining plays out in relationship to our PCOS, and the sadness and grief that are often parts of PCOS. Bargaining is part of the DABDA (denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance) model that is typically applied to chronic/terminal illness. In the dying process, bargaining looks quite similar to what it looks like in PCOS, although it tends towards making deals with god, or trying to manipulate doctors. In PCOS, it looks more like this:

• Making a deal with god to be more attentive to him/her, if only the PCOS will go away
• Trying to negotiate with doctors – “Okay, so I’ll take the metformin like you said, but I’m still going to keep eating fast food, and it should all balance out, right?”
• Negotiating with your dietician, personal trainer, etc. – “I’ll do the cardio, but then I don’t have to do weights today.” Or, “I’ll come in three times a week, but only if you cut your fee in half.” Or, “Look, I know that dark green leafy vegetables are really good for me, but they give me gas, so can’t I just have a (pre-sweetened, sugar-laden, actually junk food) yogurt instead?” (HUH?! As you can see, we get very creative with our attempts to avoid what we don’t want, and get what we do want instead.)
• Over-exercising in order to compensate for eating badly – we develop a strange, twisted, internal logic that allows us to, essentially, do whatever we want. We convince ourselves that there are no consequences.
• Eating badly but taking lots of medication or supplements – this is another favorite form of a secret internal balancing plan that absolutely has no scientific or logical merit. It doesn’t just apply to food.
• Figuring, I’m young, I can do what I want until ___ age, then I’ll behave – the damage is occurring now, the bad habits are just getting more cemented as daily behavior, etc.

And here’s the thing about these games that we play with ourselves, our partners, and the professionals who try to help us – who’s it hurting? Really? You know the answer to this one. It’s only hurting you. I know reality is uncomfortable, but you’re spending so much energy on this bogus bargaining practice. What if you applied all of that energy to grounding yourself in reality, and taking small, manageable steps towards getting your self-care practices in line with what you know (or at least believe) to be true?

Gretchen Kubacky, Psy.D. is a Health Psychologist in private practice in West Los Angeles, California. She has completed the inCYST training. She specializes in counseling women and couples who are coping with infertility, PCOS, and related endocrine disorders and chronic illnesses.

If you would like to learn more about Dr. HOUSE or her practice, or obtain referrals in the Los Angeles area, please visit her website at www.drhousemd.com, or e-mail her at AskDrHouseMD@gmail.com. You can also follow her on Twitter @askdrhousemd.

This post continues our mini-series on PCOS and the grief process. Today, we’ll focus on anger, which is the second stage of the grief model known as DABDA (denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance). Anger is a tricky emotion. People often label anger as bad, or undesirable. They deny it, refute it, avoid it, hide it, and act out around it. Anger and sadness that feel unmanageable are two of the most common reasons people show up in my office.

In death and dying, the person who is dying may be angry at god, the doctors, herself, her family, the guy who gave her the disease, the environment, and a number of other things. Likewise, the loved ones who are losing someone may have the same types of anger. In chronic illness, we may have the same targets for our anger, which may result in self-hatred, low self-esteem, acting out, and damaged relationships.

There is SO much to be angry about when it comes to PCOS, I’m sometimes surprised that we’re not all raging, all the time. At various times in learning that you have PCOS, and then starting to deal with it, and then just living with it for a long time, you might experience anger towards:

• God, because you have it
• The universe, for creating this thing
• Doctors, because they can’t cure it
• Your parents, because they gave you the genes that cause it
• Any woman who doesn’t have it
• Men, because they can’t have it
• The medical industry, because they haven’t cured it either
• Your body, because it’s not working “right”
• Other people, for not understanding
• Anyone who has children, if you want them and don’t or can’t have them
• Anyone who seems to enjoy perfect health, in spite of living an obviously unhealthy lifestyle (think, daily consumer of fast food who still has a perfect cholesterol panel, and no weight issues)
• Yourself, for not doing your self-care better, or more perfectly
• Any other medical professional, personal trainer, or other well-meaning individual you’ve ever encountered who said something stupid, irrelevant, pointless, misdirected, or just generally lame, in an effort to get your body to behave
• Dieticians who tell you what to eat without understanding your particular brain chemistry

All of this anger might lead you to act out, which could look like:

• Eating whatever you want, whenever you want – in spite of knowing better
• Failure to exercise – again, in spite of knowing better
• Overspending – because if you’re going to be fat, you might as well look good
• Unhealthy sexual behavior – “I’ll take whatever I can get, since no one would want me otherwise.”
• Manifesting other illnesses that are stress-related
• Being verbally or emotionally abusive towards your spouse, your kids, or others

Note that these things are not purely related to anger; they may also be indicators of other conditions, including mental health disorders.

These are big lists, and you are absolutely right to have a lot of anger about a lot of things related to PCOS. But you can’t live in anger all the time. Well, you can, but it’s surely not a healthy choice. So, how do you deal with all this anger, and get it out of your system, so you can move on to something more productive? And why do you even need to do that in the first place? I believe you need to get over the anger for the simple reason that Freud was right on this count – anger turned inwards becomes depression, and we’ve already got enough trouble with that, given the hormonal set-up we’re dealing with. Also, it tends to lead to negativity, self-hatred, and a more pessimistic perspective, none of which is helpful.

You can get rid of your anger in a lot of ways. Journaling, talking to friends, and talk therapy are certainly good choices. Creative expressions may help as well – creating collages, photographs, movies, music, or poetry that express your feelings are all great. I don’t like to encourage violence, but some clients report that there can be some great satisfaction in doing things like playing one of those video games where things explode when you hit them.

In other words, anger is actually a healthy emotion, but you’ve got to handle it the right way. Next week, we’ll address the concept of bargaining, in the context of grieving your PCOS.

Gretchen Kubacky, Psy.D. is a Health Psychologist in private practice in West Los Angeles, California. She has completed the inCYST training. She specializes in counseling women and couples who are coping with infertility, PCOS, and related endocrine disorders and chronic illnesses.

If you would like to learn more about Dr. HOUSE or her practice, or obtain referrals in the Los Angeles area, please visit her website at www.drhousemd.com, or e-mail her at AskDrHouseMD@gmail.com. You can also follow her on Twitter @askdrhousemd.

I recently mentioned that I was embarking on a mini-series of blog posts about the grief process, and how it relates to PCOS. I talked about a handy summary term known as DABDA, which stands for denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. Denial is present in our lives in many ways, and it’s actually a very helpful defense – sometimes our minds go into denial, because unconsciously, they know that we’re not quite ready to handle a crisis, trauma, or issue yet. For example, the woman who sees signs of cheating in her marriage, yet overlooks the hints, bypasses opportunities to question her husband, and insists that her neighbor can’t be right – yet she KNOWS in her heart that it’s true. That’s denial.

In death, denial is often quite literally a failure to recognize or believe that a person is dead, that they died a certain way (i.e., suicide), that the death was unavoidable, or that they are not at fault in the death. While one is in the process of dying, the denial may simply be a belief that it is not possible to be dying from THIS – not me, not now.

Specific to PCOS, denial looks:
• “I don’t have PCOS – it’s something else – they just haven’t come up with the right diagnosis for me.”
• “PCOS is no big deal – I mean, I had to have an IVF and all, but whatever – I got my baby, and now I can ignore it.” J
• “PCOS isn’t like a terminal disease or anything, so why do I have to deal with it?”
• “Having a baby will fix it. That’s 10 years away, but in any case, I don’t have to deal with it now.”
• “Those medications don’t really work (so I’m not going to take them).”
• “If I just can find the right combination of supplements, this will all be okay.”
• “If I go gluten-free, I’ll be cured – but that’s so impossible, I won’t even try.”
• “I’m pretty sure that dark chocolate is a health food, so I’m going to have this entire 3.4 ounce bar.”
• “Exercise is overrated – I’ll just gain weight if I gain muscle mass, right?”

Denial’s great when it really is needed and protects you, like the child who is being molested and denies it until she’s an adult, when it’s actually safe for her to tell someone. Or when you just got a cancer diagnosis, and you don’t quite get that your particular cancer has a 75% mortality rate – and maybe if you realized that before you got a chance to explore treatment, you’d consider suicide to be a good option. Sometimes it’s protective.

Yet, as adults, most of the time, denial is working against us. It prevents us from seeing the real picture of what’s happening with our bodies, our lives, and our relationships. It prevents us from grieving. It keeps us from making decisions that will improve or protect our future. It stops us from eating better, or exercising more, or getting enough sleep (another favorite form of denial that I hear all the time is “I don’t know how I do it, but I can totally get along on five hours of sleep” – to which I say, BALONEY!). It stops us from spending money on the help we really need. It allows us to continue engaging in damaging behaviors, poor self-care, and unhealthy relationships.

If reading this gives you a little stinging sensation of recognition, there’s good news. You can start to acknowledge reality. Talking to someone who cares about you, sharing your fears and the thoughts you’ve been hiding, is a good start. If you can’t do that, put it in writing – it’s amazing how seeing it in black and white can help to bring clarity to your random thoughts.

Next week, I’ll address anger, and the insidious impacts that it has on your health.

Gretchen Kubacky, Psy.D. is a Health Psychologist in private practice in West Los Angeles, California. She has completed the inCYST training. She specializes in counseling women and couples who are coping with infertility, PCOS, and related endocrine disorders and chronic illnesses.

If you would like to learn more about Dr. HOUSE or her practice, or obtain referrals in the Los Angeles area, please visit her website at www.drhousemd.com, or e-mail her at AskDrHouseMD@gmail.com. You can also follow her on Twitter @askdrhousemd.

A recent inCYST post on grief really resonated with me. Perhaps it’s because I’m a Certified Bereavement Facilitator, so a lot of the work I do is directly related to grief, particularly “out of order” deaths such as suicide, homicide, and miscarriage loss. Or perhaps it’s because there’s so much sadness and loss surrounding chronic illness that, for me, the issue of PCOS cannot be addressed without looking at the issues of loss. In any case, I want to introduce a commonly used model for grieving, since I’ll be talking in more detail about it over the next few weeks, and relating the elements back to PCOS.

Elizabeth Kubler Ross was a physician who worked with terminally ill patients. The model was first described in relationship to terminal illness, and the process that patients go through as they struggle to reach acceptance of their situation. It has come to be applied extensively to grief therapy work. The model is known as DABDA, which stands for denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. I’ll be devoting a post to each of these five items.

The first thing to know about grieving is that grieving is a non-linear process, with unpredictable timelines and variables, and that no two people grieve the same way. It’s estimated that most people grieve adequately and appropriately on their own, but about 30% would benefit from the assistance of a professional grief counselor. All of those phases of grieving – denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance – may occur in order, out of order, simultaneously, repeatedly, in an overlapping fashion, or perhaps not at all before you finally reach a state of peaceful resolution around the loss.

Also, the “normal” grieving process may go awry if you have multiple losses, too many losses occur in a short period of time, or you’re not permitted to grieve openly. For example, your mother dies, and then three months later your sister and brother-in-law are killed in a car crash. Or you’re close to 40, and end up having five IVF cycles in the space of eight months, and five miscarriages. Then you have something called “complicated bereavement.” Complicated bereavement typically needs some outside help to work through.

Grieving doesn’t just take place in the context of death or a diagnosis of terminal illness. Grieving can occur in relationship to chronic illness, loss of finances, sexuality, spouse, freedom of movement, employment, and even in response to seemingly positive situations, such as the birth of a child, which also means leaving something else behind. There may be grief associated with graduating from school, leaving a job or a neighborhood, or a myriad of other situations.

In reference to PCOS, losses may include loss of femininity, loss of reproductive capacity (infertility, miscarriage), loss of health or the illusion of health, loss of freedom (all of the things you can’t or shouldn’t do if you want to be healthy), finances (the money spent on non-covered health practitioners, supplements, special dietary items, personal trainers, etc.), sexuality, relationships, and many other things. There is often a great deal to be grieved, which contributes to the chronic low-level sadness that accompanies many PCOS patients. You may not have labeled what your feeling as grief, but that may in fact be precisely what you’re feeling and doing.

Gretchen Kubacky, Psy.D. is a Health Psychologist in private practice in West Los Angeles, California. She has completed the inCYST training. She specializes in counseling women and couples who are coping with infertility, PCOS, and related endocrine disorders and chronic illnesses.

If you would like to learn more about Dr. HOUSE or her practice, or obtain referrals in the Los Angeles area, please visit her website at www.drhousemd.com, or e-mail her at AskDrHouseMD@gmail.com. You can also follow her on Twitter @askdrhousemd.

Last week I posted this graphic describing the grief process on our Facebook page. It got enough comments that I thought it might be worthwhile to expand on it in a blog post.
If you haven’t miscarried, or lost a family member, or been through a tough breakup, perhaps you don’t think this pertains to you. But there are many, many things you can grieve. --Being told you can’t have children. --Not getting into grad school and having to change your career plans as a result. --Foreclosing on a home. --Getting older. --Being diagnosed with a chronic, non-lifethreatening illness, like PCOS or infertility. --Accepting that your body likely is never going to be sculpted or dieted into that of Gwyneth Paltrow.
Diets? Something to grieve?
Absolutely.
In most cases I listed, it’s easy to understand how grieving is the result. Let’s talk for a minute about why dieting and self-medicating are often signs you’re in a grief process.
Grieving, you see, is about change. Any time you have to move out of your comfort zone and adjust to life in a different world, your potential for entering a grief process is high. If the change involves a promotion and a substantial increase in income, it’s a whole lot easier to adjust and accept than one that involves having to accept news you’d rather not hear.
In the case of PCOS, the news, in general, is that choices you have been making in your lifestyle have been counterproductive to your health. And that if you want to regain your health, you’ll need to make different choices.
You’ll need to go to bed earlier.
You’ll need to delegate more.
You’ll need to get to the gym.
You’ll need to eat more vegetables and fewer corn chips.
Looking at the long list of things your husband, your caregiver, your health coach, and your dietitian are asking… and expecting you to do… can seem insurmountable.
I receive, on average, about 5 emails a week from women with PCOS, asking if some supplement (Dr. Oz’ recent show on supplements raised that average), or diet (think HCG), is going to work. I have come to think of those emails as indicators that the person who wrote them is cycling through grief. They just want the PCOS to go away. It won’t go away on its own, the necessary changes that are not user-friendly, and anything that seems like the easy answer seems like it’s worth a try.
It’s when your grief process and my expertise collide that we often butt heads. It is my job, as unpleasant as it may feel on the receiving end, to not allow you to succumb to magical thinking and detours that ultimately keep you grieving. It doesn’t feel good when I give you honest answers to your questions. I’m making you aware of something you’ve been working really hard to avoid, that you’re really needing to move out of your established behavioral comfort zone.
Am I a sadist? Not at all! I just know that the shortest way out of grief is to walk right through it. It is only when you confront the pain, maybe even get really, really angry about it… that you’ll consider a path that may actually work.
I spent an hour on the phone a couple of months ago, with a client who finally “blew” over the fact that her body doesn’t respond to diets, and that when she pushes the diet/exercise/binge/purge thing a bit too far, her body fights back and responds by giving her a weight she doesn’t like. All of the “maybe if I exercise an extra hour today… ” she’s been doing has no logic or science to support it. She’s been bargaining with her body, hoping it will finally give her the answer she wants, that you can use unhealthy means to force your body into being healthy.
The reason the conversation lasted so long is because I sensed she really, really wanted me to just tell her that her way of doing things would eventually be right, and she could avoid the reality of living with PCOS if she could get me to say that. Of course, I couldn’t do that. And she became angry. Really, really angry. And we stayed on the phone as long as she needed to vent.
Dr. Gretchen has written about anger before, and the importance of not ignoring it in order to move into health. If you don’t allow yourself to get angry… you are highly likely to stay stuck in your grief, bouncing back and forth between overdoing the healthy behaviors and overdoing the unhealthy ones and even worse, exhausting yourself into doing absolutely nothing at all.
And because the health-related behaviors you’ve tried have let you down, when you do reach out for help, you’re skeptical of what we at inCYST have to offer you that might be helpful. In addition to the questions I get about supplements, diets, etc., each week, I have at any given time, two or three email threads with women who kind of sort of reach out, but who have already decided that if I don’t give them promises of what they want to hear, that they’re not going to give us a try.
If you’re one of those women, and you’ve felt frustrated, perhaps that my response was curt or not compassionate, I hope this blog post helps you to understand. It’s not that at all. I just know, from over 30 years of doing this work, that if someone comes and they’re still doing a lot of bargaining with themselves, their health, and their bodies, that what they’re asking for is not what I can provide. If I become involved too early in the grief process, I stand to become part of the problem, not the guide to the solution.
I could actually prolong your grief by keeping you stuck thinking there is an easy way out.
I haven’t had PCOS or infertility. But I had a serious athletic injury that took my active life from me for almost two years. My business has hit some really hard times over the years. I’ve lost more than one person in my life, who meant the world to me. I’ve been through all of the emotions and stages in this cycle, more than once, sometimes managing several grief processes and their different stages, simultaneously! Every single time I felt like I couldn’t get up to face the day, or that what I was needing to do to get through that day, was inconceivable and insurmountable, and I challenged myself to get out of bed anyway and do exactly what I didn’t feel like doing… I felt myself move a little further along in the grief. In each case, it’s made me a better person for accepting the challenge.
I wouldn’t be the person I am with the experience, perspective, tolerance, compassion, and motivation that I have, if I had not been challenged to face some really horrible situations. If anyone had come along who tried to remove any of the life events I encountered while dealing with my own grief, I don’t think I would have gotten over it. They would have kept me stuck, as well-intended as they might have been.
My job, the job of all of us here at inCYST, is to understand what it is that you are grieving, to be aware of where you are in the process of grieving it, and to respect that process. Sometimes we have concrete solutions, and sometimes it’s best to step back while you do some things on your own.
It’s called respecting the dignity of the struggle.
I do promise you, there is a light at the end of the tunnel if you accept the challenge. But you’ll probably need to struggle.
One of my friends who knew the most detail of how much I had on my plate and how hard I was fighting to keep that plate from tipping over and crashing to the ground, used to always tell me the best way to eat an elephant was one bit at a time.
I have a special love for elephants now that I have conquered most of the circumstances that had me overwhelmed. Sometimes I think we should include one in our logo design!
I guess the point I want to make here, is that really, a very small part of what we can do for you is prescribe a diet or exercise plan. The biggest part of it, is actually more in Dr. Gretchen’s domain. I think most of you know what you need to do. Understanding why you aren’t doing it, may have a lot to do with grieving.
If you look at that graphic and feel like you’re going around in circles, perhaps spending sometime with Dr. Gretchen, or someone else who can help you step outside of yourself and understand the process without self-judgment, is the next most important investment you can make in your PCOS care and your overall health.

If you have PCOS, and you’ve tried to get pregnant, you may have already discovered that you can add infertility to the list of “what’s wrong with my body.” Infertility often feels like one more failure of your body to perform as expected, and one more thing that feels out of control. There are actions you can pursue to shift your mind and shift your body, however:

Get out of denial – know the timeframes for diagnosing infertility (generally six months of trying without a successful pregnancy if you’re over 40; one year if you’re under 40). Know that infertility isn’t just a matter of stress or bad timing – although those can be contributing factors. Know that infertility is a treatable condition, but it takes finding the right medical team, and that may include some highly specialized people, like a reproductive endocrinologist.

Have your anger – infertility is definitely something to be angry about. You’re mad, you’re frustrated, you’re irritable, you feel deprived, you want what you want – something other people manage to have without even trying – and you are entitled to rant and rave about it. But don’t let anger become your primary way of experiencing your infertility. Take the energy that powers that anger and turn it towards a more productive experience.

Fully experience your regrets – as much as you can understand them in the moment, experience your regrets. These might include the fact that the romance and private experience of love and sexuality are separated from the process of reproduction. Perhaps it means acknowledging that you won’t have a biological child. Or it might even mean deciding that children are not part of your future, at least not right now.

Grieve what you need to grieve – this might include some of the regrets mentioned above, or whatever else you feel or define – loss of womanhood, loss of health, loss of a specific type of relationship. Get support for this grieving if you need it, from other women in the same situation, or from a professional counselor.

Refocus your dreams – now that you’ve moved out of the hope or fantasy of “accidental” or sort-of-planned pregnancy, cried, had your rage, and gathered some support, decide what’s next – assisted reproductive technology, adoption, surrogacy, or a child-free life.

Take action to achieve that dream – make sure you’re on the same page with your spouse or partner, if you have one. Do the research to find a great reproductive endocrinologist, a supportive counselor, a knowledgeable dietician, and any other resources you need. Join online support communities that are specific to infertility, just as you joined this PCOS-specific community. Make a plan – give yourself some general timeframes and budgets for what you are willing to do.

With luck, planning, focus, and support, you may well be able to achieve the family you’ve been dreaming of, in spite of infertility.

Gretchen Kubacky, Psy.D. is a Health Psychologist in private practice in West Los Angeles, California. She has completed the inCYST training. She specializes in counseling women and couples who are coping with infertility, PCOS, and related endocrine disorders and chronic illnesses.

If you would like to learn more about Dr. HOUSE or her practice, or obtain referrals in the Los Angeles area, please visit her website at www.drhousemd.com, or e-mail her at AskDrHouseMD@gmail.com. You can also follow her on Twitter @askdrhousemd.

We've got a great new resource for you!

Gretchen Kubacky, Psy.D, is a psychologist practicing in Los Angeles who specializes in helping people diagnosed with endocrine disorders.

She's dedicated to helping women like you, and we're so excited to have such an awesome member on our team!

PCOS may be about hormones, but hormones are what create emotions. If you don't recognize both parts of the disorder, it's going to be hard to get better.

Gretchen, we're so glad you are here and we look forward to your contributions!

www.drhousemd.com
http://www.twitter.com/askdrgretchen
http://askdrgretchen.blogspot.com

Over the last couple of months, I’ve written extensively about the grief process, and how it applies to PCOS. There is so much to grieve – loss of health, femininity, children, old unhealthy lifestyle choices, even perhaps one’s obesity or body shape. If you missed any of the posts about the grief process, discussing the DABDA model (denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance), you can find them archived on the inCYST.com site.

Here are my thoughts on what comes after the grief. When you have a death in your life, there’s typically a funeral, or sometimes a life celebration. This celebration occurs while you’re in the depths of your grief, not when you’ve finished grieving. Grieving can be a lengthy and recurrent process, depending upon the circumstances of your life. Events like a new diagnosis, a miscarriage, or simply the arrival of your period if you’re trying to conceive might all feel like losses. Interspersed with the grief, there are still moments of happiness, humor, and even full-blown joy.

If you’ve started to grieve the losses associated with PCOS, I encourage you to also start your own private life celebration, in concurrence with your grieving. Capitalizing on the bright moments is part of an overall strategy of improving your mood by focusing on the positive. Life celebrations usually include music, food, and the company of people that you love. My life celebration is a constantly evolving practice that focuses on the things I’m grateful for, that support my health and give me deep pleasure. For example, today is my day of rest. I got to sleep in, have a cup of chai with my honey, enjoy some lap time with my cat, practice yoga under my favorite tree, enjoy a delicious, healthy and satisfying breakfast of homemade huevos rancheros and mixed berries, and even get in a short walk at the beach. To cap off the decadence, I’m going for a mani/pedi, and will indulge in my one pointless and naughty hour of serious television watching this evening. Swwwwweeeeeeeet! I feel GOOD, and even though I still have some minor pain due to an ankle injury, I’m celebrating my life. It’s rich and satisfying in many ways. Making this list makes me appreciate it even more.

When I focus on the fabulousness of this list, I’m not focusing on the fact that every day can’t be Sunday, that I need to get up to an alarm clock tomorrow, or that I have to make some unpleasant calls to an insurance company, plus go straighten out something at the bank. I’m just focused on enjoying and celebrating my life – my life with PCOS!

Gretchen Kubacky, Psy.D. is a Health Psychologist in private practice in West Los Angeles, California. She has completed the inCYST training. She specializes in counseling women and couples who are coping with infertility, PCOS, and related endocrine disorders and chronic illnesses. If you would like to learn more about Dr. HOUSE or her practice, or obtain referrals in the Los Angeles area, please visit her website at www.drhousemd.com, or e-mail her at AskDrHouseMD@gmail.com. You can also follow her on Twitter @askdrhousemd.