The Hemp Connection:
confidence

Last night, I came across a post by Kate Harding* on her Shapely Prose blog that made me stop and really think for a bit about my own hard-wired reactions to compliments from people. Once in a while, I see, read, or hear something that makes a lasting impact and changes the way I live my life, moving forward from that point. Reading Kate's blog last night had that kind of impact on the way I accept a compliment from now on.

In the blog post in question, here, Kate points out how rarely we accept a compliment and just say,"Yeah, I'm pretty awesome." or"I worked hard for that!" or"I'm good at it!" or simply,"Thank you! I agree!"

We always find a way to downplay ourselves, saying how someone else is better, or how we could have done better, or how the person giving the compliment is crazy. But we never really take credit for whatever it is that the compliment is given. She makes a really good point about how we are programmed to think that if a woman acknowledges she is good at something, she is self-centered, egotistical, narcissistic, etc. Even if we just told her how great she is at xyz! If she says,"I know! Thanks!" Our gut reaction is commonly to think,"Wow, what a self-absorbed b*tch! Who does she think she is?!" And think about it. How many times have you received a compliment, where you know the person giving it is totally right. You gave a great presentation, you baked a phenomenal batch of oatmeal cookies, you sang an amazing rendition of Black Velvet at karaoke — whatever. And you knew it. Instead you guarded yourself and deflected the compliment so they wouldn't think you were stuck up. Right? Right? I know you did.

We're just used to that. Or maybe it's me. But I have a feeling it's not just me.

The comments from readers are priceless, and really take this from being just another blog post, to a great big celebration of our collective awesomeness. She encouraged her readers to post why they rock, and every time I finished reading a comment, I thought,"HECK YEAH!" I went in there and added a comment myself — and could have kept going!

I encourage every woman reading this blog post to read that blog post. And even if you don't add to the comments, take some time to think about all the things you're great at, all the things you've worked hard to accomplish, all the big and small things you dominate every day, all the things you know you totally own. And then go ahead and from today, going forward, give yourself permission to unapologetically take full credit for it and tell yourself out loud how awesome you are.

* Kate Harding is the co-author of Lessons from the Fat-O-Sphere: Quit Dieting and Declare a Truce with Your Body (with Marian Kirby who blogs at The Rotund). She is also a contributor on Salon.com's Broadsheet. Her writing mostly covers size acceptance and feminist issues with other things here and there.

As luck would have it, just as I was about to give up on having a topic to write about, my friends at the coffeehouse where I am working today started talking about rock climbing. And there I had it, something fun to talk about.: )

Many moons ago in graduate school, my friend Julie, an avid climber who had trekked Nepal and slept dangling off of Half Dome, invited me to spend an afternoon with her at the Boulder Flatirons. They're not big or tall, and I figured, as many other sports as I'd tried and done well with, this would be easy.

Not!

Who knew a piece of rock could be so challenging? We went up to the top, tied ourselves in, and I learned to belay…which for those of you not familiar with it, is kind of like what Batman likes to do down the side of buildings. It was fun, once I learned to trust that Julie had tied us in safely enough that nothing I did was going to result in my crashing to earth.

At one point I lost my footing, and found myself dangling about 50 feet above solid ground. I panicked, and Julie called from above,"It's ok, Mon, you're safe. Relax and enjoy the beautiful view!"

"Are you freaking kidding? I'm flailing on a rock and you want me to enjoy it?"

She let me hang long enough to have no other option. I like to call it my lesson in extreme mindfulness, which I use to this day. Even in the most stressful of moments, and as I have learned, especially in the most stressful of moments, when mindfulness is the hardest thing to achieve, it is the most important thing to achieve.

After I calmed down, and looked around, Julie was right. There WAS a beautiful view to be enjoyed. Of course there was. That is why we went to the rock in the first place! How many times do we get so caught up in where we are going…that we forget to appreciate the view and the lessons to be learned right where we are?

We eventually got down to the ground, and Julie said,"Now, back up!" And we had to climb back up the same rock we'd just sported down.

Much harder than the Batman thing.

And so we started back up. That was an exercise in strength (fingertip strength too, not just the big guys!), flexibility, trust, and endurance. It was also a great exercise in strategic thinking, for in rock climbing, you have to be thinking about two, three, four moves up the rock, not just what you're doing in the moment. How many times do you get so stressed that you only think about the current moment, only to act impulsively in a way that sets you up for trouble two, three, four moments in the future?

About halfway up the rock I got stuck. Nowhere, absolutely nowhere that I looked, did I see a crack, crevice, ledge, anything finger or toe friendly that I could use to advance myself. Julie, the most amazingly patient teacher for an exercise like this, reminded me that I had the safety of the rope which allowed me to swing a bit off my current position. She encouraged me to try moving just a half inch to the right.

And there it was, a half inch away, a half dozen new possibilities of working up the rock miraculously waiting for me to discover.

How many times have you been so invested in things having to be one way, the way you want them to be, that you shut yourself out of a host of other ways to get to the same place?

And of course, the feeling of accomplishment upon arriving at the top is one that no one should be denied.

There is physical benefit to rock climbing, but what I love about it, is the mental training. It is a great exercise in mindfulness, trust, problem solving, intentional choices, all the skills you need to work yourself out of some of the situations and behaviors that keep you stuck where you don't want to be.

I encourage you, regardless of your size or current physical condition, if there is a climbing course or indoor climbing wall near you, to get out and try it.

It could open up a world of new ways of thinking and acting that you never considered…some of which could be life changing.

Facebook tells me that a good percentage of inCYST fans are also Taylor Swift fans. So I thought a lot about all of you as I watched this interview with Taylor Swift this past Sunday on 60 minutes.

I hope you take a few minutes to watch. I think you might find it inspiring.

I also hope, anytime anyone tries to get you to think that what they believe about you is more important than what you believe about yourself, you pause and consider just what your iPod would be like if Taylor Swift had chosen to do that.: )

http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-504803_162-57328062-10391709/taylor-swift-at-21/