For the last few weeks, we’ve been looking at the grief process through the lens of DABDA (a model that focuses on the stages of grief – denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance). When it comes to dying, acceptance is important¸ but not necessarily critical – if you’re terminally ill, you may die before you reach a place of acceptance. With PCOS though, you’ve got a life-long condition. If you don’t accept it, you’re likely not taking care of it properly. The good news is that acceptance is something you can learn.
Acceptance looks like:
• Generally being pretty okay with what’s going on, even when it’s unpleasant (so you don’t like hearing that you’ve got pre-diabetes, but you’re going to do the recommended diet consistently)
• Eating, sleeping, and exercising appropriately, even when you don’t feel like it
• Practicing good self-care, even when it’s inconvenient
• Having a stress reduction practice, such as meditation, yoga, or therapy
• Being grateful for what you do have (if you can’t quickly create a list of at least ten items, you may be dealing with low self-esteem or depression, which can be helped through therapy)
• Being genuinely happy about the positives of your life – kind of like being grateful, it’s about having a balanced perspective, rather than just focusing on the negatives
• Treating others with kindness, because it’s the right thing to do, and you’re not so angry about where you are and what you’ve got that you’re taking it out on them
• Not constantly comparing yourself to others, because you don’t need to – you know you’re not perfect, but you’re okay with it, and you’re working on what you can
In other words, happiness is about balance, perspective, equanimity, self-respect, and self-care, all coming together to remind you on a regular basis that you’re actually pretty okay, in spite of your PCOS – and even though the PCOS is a drag¸ you believe you can manage it.
Although this concludes our review of the DABDA process, we’ll look at bringing it all together (remember, grief is a non-linear process, and these emotions can pop up at any time, or repeatedly) and incorporating it as a permanent point of reference.
Gretchen Kubacky, Psy.D. is a Health Psychologist in private practice in West Los Angeles, California. She has completed the inCYST training. She specializes in counseling women and couples who are coping with infertility, PCOS, and related endocrine disorders and chronic illnesses.
If you would like to learn more about Dr. HOUSE or her practice, or obtain referrals in the Los Angeles area, please visit her website at www.drhousemd.com, or e-mail her at AskDrHouseMD@gmail.com. You can also follow her on Twitter @askdrhousemd.