The Hemp Connection + thinking

Who is the best PCOS expert? YOU are the best PCOS expert!

This past week I was watching The Biggest Loser. Not because I endorse their methods for weight loss, but because so many of you watch that show, it's almost required viewing for my job, to know what's being said and how to address it should it come up in our Facebook group.

I was appalled to watch one of the trainers, while a participant was doing situps, dropping a medicine ball on the poor guy's stomach. Nothing about that segment modeled respect for self or others, in my opinion, and it could have done serious damage to the participant. But that is what seems to happen in the world of weight loss. Once your weight exceeds what is deemed medically and culturally acceptable, the rest of the world seems to act as if they automatically have a license to decide how to"fix" you. The behaviors can range from looks into your grocery basket when you're shopping, suggestions that you're somehow not"doing enough" if your weight loss is not linear and predictable (as illustrated by the closeups of the shocked looks of the Biggest Loser trainers when someone does not lose, or…God forbid…gains weight, the assumption that if things are not going the way the trainer needs them to go in order to be the"good trainer"), that the participant must be the one to blame.

PCOS creates an even more frustrating scenario for physicians, dietitians, trainers, family members, everyone watching on as a woman decides she's going to lose weight. We've learned over the years that in many ways PCOS is counterintuitive. When you diet too strictly, weight goes on. When you exercise too much, weight goes on. It seems to be the"canary in the coalmine," so to speak, of imbalances in your life that need to be addressed. And, unfortunately, if you're a person of extremes, and you resort to fixing one extreme with another extreme, you're likely going to find yourself in a place where you plateau, gain weight, etc., with at least a half-dozen people looking on, with a million suggestions for"fixing" the problem.

Years ago I was a dietitian in an eating disorder treatment center. I was literally responsible for the weight gains of anorexics, the weight loss of women with binge eating disorder, and to be sure that bulimics who had been abusing laxatives did not gain too much weight during their withdrawal from those drugs.

Take the scenario I described above and multiply it by 36, which was the census of the treatment center. I absolutely hated Monday and Thursday mornings because those were staff meetings. I had to meet for three hours each morning with all of the therapists, physicians, etc., and discuss the progress of all of the women we were helping. If, God forbid, the weight of one person was not EXACTLY what I'd projected, I was put on the spot to (1) explain why and (2) come up with a remedy. Suggesting that healing from dietary imbalances of any kind was complex and that we were not in charge of all of the parts of the solution was not an option. Much of the rest of the week was spent with patients, family members, and insurance case managers, having the same conversations. In one case it was an attorney of a beauty queen who insisted she'd been promised prior to admission that she would not gain weight despite needing to withdraw from her box-a-day laxative habit and since her temporary fluid gain was in the double digits, I was to blame.

Can you tell how much I thought this job sucked?

The piece de resistance came during one stretch, when we had an overload of laxative abusers in the house (no pun intended) and my boss, desperate to be able to show good weight progress to insurance companies and keep her own"success" record high, asked me to come up with a solution. This was in the days before the Internet, and so I asked to be able to take a day in the local medical library researching intestinal health and dietary strategies. My request was denied. Instead, I was asked to create some type of"cocktail" that would"clean out or speed up the 'progress'" of the constipated individuals.

I looked at my boss and said,"I am a dietitian. I am not a plumber."

As you can guess, it was the beginning of the end of that job, which I actually eventually walked off of, because that particular situation was merely one of many I was expected to endorse that in good conscience I could not.

I learned humility in that job. An Ivy League degree and a master's degree plus stints at Stanford, Apple Computer, and the professional sports world, could not fix what was broken in these women. Only time, self-nurturing, and patience. Every single time I watch The Biggest Loser, I am reminded of that job. And how so many people I worked with based their own success on a patient's numbers recorded in a medical chart. Not on how well she was asserting herself, or sleeping, or challenging herself to eat salad dressing. It was all about the number. That it wasn't about the healers at all, but about empowering our patients to have the confidence to take care of themselves so well that they could fire us because they didn't need us anymore, was completely forgotten.

I guess I was inspired to write this piece because ever since I saw that medicine ball, I've been thinking how badly I wanted the poor guy on the floor to just stand up, tell the trainer to bite it, and walk off the ranch. Because he was being taught that somehow, because of the position he'd found himself in, needing to lose weight, he deserved to be punished and humiliated in the process of regaining his self-esteem. Yup, he had to be humiliated in order to develop self-esteem.

Don't ever let anyone, and I mean ANYONE — a medical professional, coach, or loved one, cause you to believe that they know better than you, what you need for yourself. Or that because your weight is not changing at a rate that THEY have determined is appropriate, that you're somehow doing something wrong. Or that what they have to say about your health supercedes what you believe about your health.

As Eleanor Roosevelt once said,"No one can take away your self-respect, unless you allow them to."

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Who is the best PCOS expert? YOU are the best PCOS expert! + thinking