Our physicians are supposed to be here to help us, to counsel and guide us through some very difficult medical circumstances. And we hope they do it with some sensitivity. But sometimes you hear:
“You’re too old and you’re very, very high risk; you should a) use a surrogate; b) adopt; or c) forget about it.”
“To tell you the truth, I don’t know what’s wrong with you; maybe we should check and see if you have a pituitary tumor.”
“I know you’re only 25, but you DO have high blood pressure.”
“Of course you can’t get pregnant; you’ve got PCOS.”
“You have PCOS. What is it? Oh, here’s a pamphlet.”
Regrettably, these are all actual quotes from an assortment of physicians in Los Angeles, California – statements so horrifying they tend to get burned into your brain, even if they happened 20 years ago.
Lately, I’ve been encountering a lot of reports from women whose doctors are insensitive, rushed for time, unwilling to explain, overly clinical, or just plain lacking in knowledge specific to PCOS and how it affects the women who have it. Teenagers, the newly diagnosed, and those who are trying to get pregnant are among the most vulnerable to these types of comments. I’ve been subject to many of them as well, as you most likely have been at some time or another.
How best to deal with a statement that leaves you in shock, hurt, and feeling overwhelmed, vulnerable and scared? In the moment (if you can), call your doctor on it. Point out that you aren’t receiving enough information to feel comfortable with what you’re being told, or that your feelings were hurt, and you’re feeling confused. If you just want to escape that doctor’s office as quickly as possible, then get out, get in your car, get home, and have a good cry. Talk to a supportive friend and invite her to go with you to your next appointment. Post on a chat forum, blog, or other internet resource. Consider – seriously consider – changing doctors if you are consistently treated badly. Every doctor has an off day, or a less-than-perfect way of expressing some critical fact, but you deserve time, respect, sensitivity, and the answers to all your questions. If that means booking a second appointment for a consultation in the doctor’s office (not when you’re sitting on a table in one of those miserable gowns that never fit), then book a consultation appointment, take a list of questions, and take an advocate with you.
If you have questions and would like some empowered answers on how to respond to your doctor, please feel free to e-mail me at AskDrHouseMD@gmail.com, and I’ll do my best to respond to them in a future blog post.