Two weeks ago this Sunday, my friend was featured on CBS Sunday Morning. To celebrate, she had a viewing party at two other friends' popular local store. I was planning to go, and stop at the gym on my way home. Then I decided that with the weather being so perfect, I could use the 10 mile round trip there and back as my gym. So I woke up early, strapped on my Rollerblades, and headed to the celebration.
Two minutes out of the door, I took the first tumble on my Rollerblades that I have had in 23 years of using them. I sat, hurting, on the street corner, thinking about what to do. My first thought was"if I go home and sit, this is going to be even worse, maybe it will be better to head over anyway and keep things mobile." So that is what I did. It wasn't that bad, really, until I skated home. I had a huge bruise on my tailbone and ended spending most of the rest of the day in a fetal position, which is the only position that didn't hurt.
Today, 12 days later, is the first day since then that I have been mostly free of pain. I live in a second floor condo, and have only ventured out a few times because the stairs have just been unthinkable. I really wanted to swim, but as luck would have it, the heater at the pool was broken, cutting me out of that as well.
I'm really disappointed, and frustrated, because I've been working really hard lately, and physical activity is always a welcome stress release. I had also promised myself tennis lessons this summer as an employee incentive program (yes, we have one in this one-person operation!), in an attempt to better balance my life. And it looked--still looks--like the first half of the summer will be tennis-free.: (
What I am happy about, is that I handled this injury far better than I did when I was off of one leg for 8 weeks due to a ski injury. Back then, exercise was everything. Of course, I was in graduate school for exercise physiology and everyone around me worked out far too much (exercise addiction is the normal social behavior in Boulder, Colorado, where grad school was), so I didn't realize just how far my dependence on exercise for stress management had gone, until fate completely yanked it from me.
It was really hard. I had to figure out what to do with my time. My emotions. My stress. Eventually, I came to realize that far too much of who I was, was wrapped up in exercise. It probably even steered me into studying exercise for reasons at the time that were not entirely healthy! I was stuck in a city where everyone was like that, and when I couldn't be part of it, I found myself alone, quite a bit, because I couldn't partake in the obsession that everyone used to socialize.
But I'm glad it happened. I was young enough to recognize the opportunity I had been given, to learn to be more balanced, to pursue other leisure activities, to come to love myself even if I was not always on a bike, or skis, or skates.
I'm pretty over that obsession at this point, but I do have a driven personality. So when I had this long list of things to do, this research institute to launch, a mortgage to pay, and I couldn't sit at the computer long enough to do the work I needed to do, and I worked longer than normal hours to do it anyway…after a few days, I caught myself trying not to listen to the message.
I had an agenda, and it wasn't happening, and I was trying to steer myself around it. I had to let go, and let life show me what the better agenda was. And when I did, when I took an afternoon off to have some frozen yogurt and stroll Costco with a friend, and just enjoyed a few movies on television…the agenda that made itself clear was far better than the one I was trying to force.
Exhibit A: inCYST eMarket.
Exhibit B: An invitation to speak locally for one of my very favorite health organizations.
Exhibit C: Other friends connecting in ways outside of me, but directly related to my letting go of a few things that turned around and benefitted me.
I think the tumble happened for a reason. It was a big detour sign. I was too busy to see it as I passed it on the side of the road, and I was headed toward a precipitous cliff. I was so focused I was not paying attention to important pieces of the puzzle that were on less-traveled roads.
My message is that whoever you are, wherever you are…if something happened to you today that feels like it derailed your most important agenda, take heart. If you choose to listen and accept with an open heart, who knows what bigger agenda it may be nudging you toward accomplishing?