I've had two different clients share a similar observation in the last couple of weeks, and I thought I'd write about it since it's not uncommon to feel this way in early recovery.
First of all, I want to share with you an article on depression that was recently in the Boston Globe.
This article presents the argument that depression is not about a deficiency of neurotransmitters that need to be balanced with medication, but rather, a condition in which neurons are dying a slow death and gradually losing their function. I've had this premise for awhile; it is the basis of my treatment philosophy for PCOS. Fish oil is the best compound nature has for restoring life to neurons, and when you put it into your diet, the brain begins to function again.
My two clients have both observed that as they began taking fish oil, they felt more alert and their memory and concentration seemed to be better. Signs that Elvis is back in the building!
These two clients also observed, though, that they were feeling more emotional. Not all emotions, especially anger and sadness, are easy to feel. So when you begin to feel these emotions, it can feel like things are getting"worse", not better.
Keep in mind, when neurons are malnourished, that means ALL neurons stop functioning, not just the ones affecting memory. The ones affecting emotion, the ones affecting appetite, and the ones affecting hormones.
If you've had PCOS, your hormones have not been functioning as they should, perhaps for a very long time. And that means you've not had the experience other women have, of fluctuating energy, emotions, you name it. Those fluctuations are normal!
So I often get the question,"What can I do?" The most important advice I can give is, be patient with yourself. Become used to what it means to truly cycle. Get to know what a healthy body feels like. It means it is normal to feel bloated, even constipated, just before your period. Your weight might fluctuate. The cycle should be around 28 days when you're back on track, and every single day within that 28 days may feel different. There may be no such thing as getting on the scale and weighing the same thing every single day.
With regard to your emotions, perhaps as your brain becomes more aware, this is an opportunity to experience what emotions might be about. Emotions are messages from the brain, telling you how you are with regard to balance, and what you need to do to restore balance if it isn't there. Anger is often a clue that a boundary has been violated. Loneliness means you need to seek companionship of some sort. Fear suggests that you need to remove yourself from danger. If they didn't feel uncomfortable, you would not be motivated to engage in behaviors that keep you healthy and safe. So rather than running from emotions, embrace them! They're telling you that your health is returning and things are getting back to normal.
PCOS is so hormone driven that emotions end up on the back burner. Excesses of androgens and stress hormones put anxiety and anger in control. But if you find that these feelings are persistent and do not wane after time, or that they seem to be there even when nothing in your life can explain them, they may be signs of hormone excesses and not really environmentally or event-stimulated emotions. When your hormones have you constantly revved up, it can feel strange to not have that kind of energy rush.
I couldn't figure out why, when I first started recommending yoga to clients, they would come back after one class and tell me they hated it. I figured out eventually, that yoga slowed their bodies down but their heads were still spinning. And being pinned to the floor in a yoga pose while your head is thinking angry thoughts can be a very uncomfortable place to be. Those clients got the same advice I'm giving you. Give the new changes some time. Don't abandon your new lifestyle because it initially feels uncomfortable. It's been a long time since your body has felt normal. Be gentle with your self and get to know/understand that"normal" involves hourly, daily, weekly, and monthly cycles. There is no such thing as being the same weight, temperature, size, or temperament every single minute of every single day.
Our philosophy is a little different than what many physicians will have you do. We're not trying to control your hormones, your weight, or even your diet. We're not trying to force a cycle, a pregnancy, or a clothing size. We're guiding you toward healthy choices that allow your body to be in balance. Sometimes giving up control, and letting the body speak to you instead of the other way around, is the absolute best way to get there.
So if things seem a little chaotic and you feel like you're charting uncharted territory, welcome to the world of female physiology! Ask questions, observe, and embrace the wonderful lesson you're learning, that your body will heal if you let it. There is no such thing as being past the point of no return or"stuck" where you are.