One of the most difficult aspects of PCOS is what it does to your libido – your sexual fantasies and your desire to express your sexuality. Sometimes you’re up, sometimes you’re down, and with PCOS, maybe a little of both at the same time. According to a recent University of Chicago study, fully 33.4% of women ages 18 – 59 suffer from hypoactive sexual desire, the technical name for low sexual desire. For PCOS women, the percentage is probably higher.
There’s certainly a range of what’s considered normal, but that’s a whole lot of women who just aren’t feeling like having sex. If you’re not having sex, alone or with a partner, or an active sexual fantasy life, you’re missing out on feelings of warmth, love, and connection that enhance your overall sense of well-being.
Some of the major factors affecting sexual desire include hormone levels, availability of a partner, and body confidence. We’re all familiar with the range of moods and symptoms that can accompany the menstrual cycle, and that’s just one part of what affects your sexual functioning. I hope that your endocrinologist, dietician, and gynecologist team are working closely with you to regulate your hormonal functioning. If they’re not, and you’re feeling a disturbing loss of sexual desire, please consult with them. Know that birth control pills and antidepressants (the SSRI variety), which are often prescribed to women with PCOS, can negatively affect libido. This isn’t always a necessary or unavoidable side effect of medication. There are often different medications you can switch to that may improve your level of desire while still effectively treating your symptoms.
Availability of a partner is an issue that may be addressed in many ways. First, consider what’s happening with your current partner, if you have one. Has PCOS brought you down to the point that you no longer feel sexy or attractive to your partner? Do you reject your partner’s advances? Do you hide when you go to bed? Good communication is a must in restoring balance to this aspect of your life. Your partner may very well be wondering what’s up with you, without realizing the complexity of what’s affecting your body and your mind when you have PCOS. If you don’t have a partner, do you want one? If not, and that’s a choice made for practical considerations, great. But if it’s a non-choice you defaulted into because you feel lousy about your appearance, read on.
Body confidence is a critical component of a woman’s sexual confidence, and confidence often leads to making investments in appearance, the willingness to make or accept sexual advances, and a boost in self-esteem that comes from knowing you’re doing your best to take care of yourself. I’m talking about the obvious stuff – the best diet you can mange (90% healthy/10% naughty), regular exercise (not the hard-body-oriented, workout until you’re half-dead stuff), a little yoga or meditation when you can, and some focused attention on how you present your body to the world everyday. Exercise alone will dramatically improve your confidence, and your belief in your body’s abilities. Just the experience of exposing your body to the world and not getting laughed out of the gym is a real confidence booster.
You will learn that the rest of the world isn’t really paying that much attention to the excess abdominal fat you loathe so much. You will learn that you actually like good food, and it makes your body feel more energetic. You will learn that there are a lot of clever ways to deal with the cosmetic issues associated with PCOS, and not all of them are painful or cost a fortune. And when you learn all of these things, through your own proactive experience of them, you may find that lack of sexual desire is a thing of the past. If it’s not, however, and you’ve tried to improve it, don’t be afraid to seek additional help from your physician or a counselor. You deserve a healthy, fully functioning level of sexual desire, whether you choose to use it or not!