Back in the days when I counseled full time, I worked with a gentleman who needed to lose about 150 pounds. He lost about 50 of that, and his progress really began to show. Not long after he hit this milestone, he casually mentioned toward the end of our appointment that he needed to leave on time, because he needed to stop at the grocery store on the way home. I asked what was on his shopping list.his response?"My wife asked me to pick up a half gallon of ice cream on the way home."
Yes, the man's wife asked him to tempt fate and self-sabotage just as he was starting to make progress.
It happens more than you might think.
A relationship is a system. Both people support each other in a myriad of ways, many of which they are not even aware of until something changes.
In this couple, there was a lot of relating around food. One of the partners had changed that, was spending more time at the gym, was more reluctant to go to movies because of the food that tempted him, less interested in socializing with friends whose hobbies included overindulging in food. His spouse was feeling left behind. She wasn't really ready to change, so in order to stay connected with her spouse, she kept putting old habits in front of him in an attempt to bring him back into her comfort zone.
Even though it's your wife with the PCOS, if you are not willing to change YOUR life, you are part of the problem. If you're expecting her to cook two different meals, one for her and one for the rest of the family, placing her in front of twice as much food as before, if you're not interested in walking with her, if you aren't engaged in exploring new activities with her that are compatible with her new choices, you are part of the problem.
It's not an uncommon problem. Fortunately, it's workable. You may want to initiate a discussion about how you can team together for health. If you let it be all her choice, and you don't present options that work for you, of course you're going to feel left out, controlled, alone. What did you enjoy as activities in high school? Can you take tennis lessons together? Why not make a date at the farmer's market? Go to the science museum. If you approach it the right way, you could suddenly feel like you're dating again. And if you enjoyed those times…it could certainly help in the romance department.: )
Bottom line, how you view your wife's situation has a whole lot to do with how she succeeds at managing it. If you view it as her problem that is totally her responsibility to manage, separately from you, are you really a team, a couple? This is your opportunity to show her that"in sickness and in health" means more today than it did on your wedding day.