I’ve recently been amused by a list of weird, wacky, and unusual holidays. Whole days, weeks, and months are devoted to the oddest things, and I’ll be writing about a few of them this month. Tomorrow, July 3, 2012, is National Compliment Your Mirror Day. I don’t really know or care about the origins of Compliment Your Mirror Day, but I’m going to tell you why I like the concept.
When you’ve got PCOS, when you think of the mirror, you’ve probably got negative associations. For many of you, your physical appearance fixations are typically:
• Being too heavy/problems losing weight
• Acne and other skin problems
• Hair loss
• Hair growing in strange places, with abundance
The mirror is not your friend; the mirror is your enemy. Mirrors may have become something to dread, a way to facilitate getting down on yourself, or even a way to practice some really damaging things, like skin picking or cutting (those are both mental health issues, by the way). Many of you avoid the mirror at all costs, even to the point of not having a mirror in your house except where it’s unavoidable, like on the medicine cabinet in the bathroom.
You may dress to hide your body, or your hairy arms. You may wear hats or sunglasses to distract from hair loss, or wear scarves to hide akanthosis nigricans on your neck. You avoid shopping, except online, where you don’t have to be tortured by the multiple mirrors in badly lit dressing rooms. You spend a fortune on potions to fix your skin, dermatologist visits, and special machines that are guaranteed to sweep everything clean. It’s exhausting having PCOS, and doing all of what’s required, if you really commit to it, to look “okay,” “acceptable,” or “normal.”
But the mirror, like the scale, is merely an inanimate object. It doesn’t have the power to make you miserable, or to dictate your behavior. Only you have the power to decide what your mood is, or what your behavior is. Next time you catch yourself starting a litany of denigration because you caught a glance of yourself in the mirror, turn it around (it’s all about reflection) and force yourself to say something positive. It may take time and practice. You may have to really push some boundaries, but you can find something. So instead of focusing on the thinness of your hair, focus on the fact that it’s actually kind of a nice color. Instead of focusing on your hairiness, focus on the beauty of your eyes. Instead of focusing on a roll of fat, take note of how good the color you’re wearing looks on you. Try hard. Be honest. Don’t just default to the garbage you’ve been telling yourself for years. Don’t give up.
If this seems like a real push, start by just exposing yourself to some mirror time. Set a timer on your phone if need be. Start with 15 or 20 seconds. Just look at yourself without judgment. Practice for 30 seconds, then a minute. Work your way up to two or three minutes of just looking at yourself calmly, examining what is, not wishing for what isn’t. Then you can move up to giving the mirror itself a compliment: “you reflect me so well,” “I like the way you cast light on my face,” and maybe, just maybe, you can actually give yourself a compliment. The mirror is a facilitator of self-love. With increased self-love comes increased self-care, and that’s what we’re all about here at inCYST.
Gretchen Kubacky, Psy.D. is a Health Psychologist in private practice in West Los Angeles, California. She has completed the inCYST training. She specializes in counseling women and couples who are coping with infertility, PCOS, and related endocrine disorders and chronic illnesses.
If you would like to learn more about Dr. HOUSE or her practice, or obtain referrals in the Los Angeles area, please visit her website at www.drhousemd.com, or e-mail her at AskDrHouseMD@gmail.com. You can also follow her on Twitter @askdrhousemd.