Couples are funny things, and their communication dynamics can be complicated by their different styles and approaches to problem-solving. For example, I’m pretty equally right brain/left brain in my approach to things – I’m always in touch with my emotions, but there’s a good dose of logic that goes with it most of the time. However, I often take a non-linear approach to problem-solving. I often think about the problem, research it a bit, tuck it away, pull it out and look at it again, consult with someone, ignore it, make a decision and change my mind, and then do a little more thinking, and finally come to THE ANSWER. My partner, however, is both an engineer and a mathematician – as in, he has a Ph.D., and teaches the stuff. Engineering is the art of reducing complex problems to a series of readily implemented, streamlined strategies that improve function and efficiency. Needless to say, he often approaches problem-solving quite differently! His process looks more like this series of questions: • What is the problem? • How bad can it be? • What’s the worst outcome? • Can I survive this outcome? • What is the urgency level of this problem? • What resources do I have for solving this problem? • Who will be impacted if I don’t solve this problem now? • How will I know if the solution is satisfactory? He does not proceed to the next question until he has answered the first question, and so on. At first, this process of his really irked me. I thought it was slow, painful, tedious, and unnecessary. I thought it was slowing down getting to THE ANSWER. My brain’s not going to change when it comes to this fundamental wiring, but what I’ve learned from his process is the same thing I’ve learned from practicing mindfulness, hypnotherapy, and psychotherapy. Slowing down leads to better results. Applying logic reduces stress. Rating/ranking your priorities minimizes pressure. Looking at all of your options, and perhaps selecting one that is just “acceptable” is better than searching for elusive “perfection.” When it comes to PCOS, and the many complex and related diagnoses, treatment plans, supplementation options, diet and exercise approaches, and mental health conditions that we face, it’s easy to get overwhelmed, and caught up in a psychological spin cycle. We try to solve all of our problems at once. We get angry and frustrated when yet another approach isn’t working. We’re always looking for the best, the latest, and the greatest dietician, supplement, prescription medication, miracle food, or whatever else it is that we think will rebalance our unbalanced hormones. We forget to apply logic. We dismiss the engineering approach as unnatural, overly masculine, or outside of our training. I suggest that, instead, you view yourself as capable, competent, and curious. Then make it true. Try the engineering approach, and see if you land on a different solution that fits or feels better. I’d like to hear how it goes. Gretchen Kubacky, Psy.D. is a Health Psychologist in private practice in West Los Angeles, California. She has completed the inCYST training. She specializes in counseling women and couples who are coping with infertility, PCOS, and related endocrine disorders and chronic illnesses. If you would like to learn more about Dr. HOUSE or her practice, or obtain referrals in the Los Angeles area, please visit her website at www.drhousemd.com, or e-mail her at AskDrHouseMD@gmail.com. You can also follow her on Twitter @askdrhousemd.