The Hemp Connection + self-talk

Stop Beating Yourself Up!

Source: iwishihadanocean.tumblr.com via Christine on Pinterest

• “I’m so stupid!”
• “I’m never going to figure out how to hold better boundaries.”
• “I’m so fat, it’s disgusting.”
• “I just can’t figure out how to actually fall asleep.”
• “I don’t know why I keep getting involved with people who don’t treat me well.”
• “This is hopeless.”

In my psychotherapy practice, I hear comments like these every day. Many of my clients have low self-esteem, and run a constant stream of mental verbal abuse. It may stem from an abusive background (the things their parents said to them are embedded at this point), frustrating health conditions that are difficult to manage, or having a tendency to find unhealthy relationships. Not knowing how to create change is another reason for this kind of self-talk. Lots of things can trigger self-abuse, and it usually doesn’t take much. Many of us are all too good at starting the litany of self-abuse. For some of us, it’s a 24 hour a day practice.

What is the result of this constant barrage of mean, unproductive, and even cruel commentary? Feeling bad goes to feeling worse, depression is exacerbated, motivation decreases, and sometimes an eating, drinking, spending, or sexual binge is set off because a woman feels and thinks, “What’s the point? I can’t change. This is too hard. I’ll never figure it out. This isn’t worth it. I’m not worth it.”

I want you to stop beating yourself up – NOW. There are enough negatives coming in from external sources (bad grades, an unappreciative spouse, kids who walk all over you, the competitive types at the gym who sneer at your efforts, the not-so-subtle one-upmanship of your friend who has a much larger clothing budget, etc.). You need to combat all of that with positive self-talk, and a commitment to deleting the negative statements from your vocabulary. Every time you start with the negative self-talk, write it down, and immediately counter it in writing with a positive statement. For example:

• “I look like crap” becomes “I have some extra weight because of my PCOS, but I’ve made huge improvements in my diet and exercise program – and I’m getting there. And I still dress really cute. That matters.”

• “I’m stupid” is countered with “I’m smart, and there’s lots of evidence to prove it – I had a 3.9 GPA, and three people (name them) told me I was smart in the last month.”

• “I don’t know how to be happy” gets countered with “happiness is a process, and I’m taking important steps to achieve it, like journaling, going to therapy, and keeping a gratitude list.”

Your language is powerful, and it’s a choice. It impacts your sense of well-being, productivity, and even your health. By choosing positive language for your self-talk, it also shifts your interactions with other people. More importantly, it shifts your sense of self, and improves your self-esteem. Only you have the power to do that.

Gretchen Kubacky, Psy.D. is a Health Psychologist in private practice in West Los Angeles, California. She has completed the inCYST training. She specializes in counseling women and couples who are coping with infertility, PCOS, and related endocrine disorders and chronic illnesses.

If you would like to learn more about Dr. HOUSE or her practice, or obtain referrals in the Los Angeles area, please visit her website at www.drhousemd.com, or e-mail her at AskDrHouseMD@gmail.com. You can also follow her on Twitter @askdrhousemd.

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Stop Beating Yourself Up! + self-talk